HamBar06 Loc: Philadelphia, PA

What has happened to all the jokes, comics and hysterically funny stories. They seem to have disappeared recently. I, for one, go to the chit-chat topic first thing when I open UHH. I miss the frequent laughs.
Anybody know the answer?
Hambar06

Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States

No one has found good ones to share?
They probably go in spurts.

BTW - This was just posted: https://www.uglyhedgehog.com/t-800579-1.html

Drb68 Loc: Utah

I agree totally…..please come back, they help me start my day!

Mac Loc: Pittsburgh, Philadelphia now Hernando Co. Fl.

You could start posting some jokes and stories. Maybe that would get things rolling.

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

there once was a man
from peru, whose limericks
were really haiku


(You have to pronounce 'limericks' with 3 syllables)


A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question:

Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.

M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.

Then they were asked this question:

Suppose you walked by a house and saw a hose connected to a hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.

M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire, reducing the problem to a previously solved form.

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

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DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

PRILEP, Yugoslavia (AP) - Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border between Greece and Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning more than 2,000 years.

When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia.

However, that isn't likely to happen soon as Sister Maria, 53, enjoys excellent health.

By her own estimate, she walks 10 miles daily about the grounds of the convent, which once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times, a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site.

Historians say that Attila took over the old temple in 439 A.D. and used it as a base for his marauding army.

The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site.

It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system, and had the writs and other documents brought to the temple. Scholars differ on why he had the valuable documents destroyed - either because he was barely literate and couldn't read them, or because they provided evidence of democratic government that did not square with his own notion of rule by an all-powerful tyrant.

When the Greek church took over the site in the 15th Century and the convent was built, church leaders ordered the pagan statue of Eros destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was lost. Today, there is only the lone sister, watching over the old Hun base.

And that's how it ends: No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on base.

JimmyTB

bcheary used to regularly post comics. Nov 30 last year he said he was taking a break from UHH to do some other things. He may still be registered here so maybe you could send him a PM and let him know he is missed

moosus

I really looked forward to his comics. Like they say, all good things must come to an end.

higgs Loc: Norwood MA

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race and he won.
The local paper read:
PASTORS'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHE'S THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent
The local paper hearing posted the following headline
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted
He told the Nun to get rid of the donkey
She sold it to a farmer for $10
The local paper published this headline
NUN SELLS AS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop
He told the Nun to buy back the donkey
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

DirtFarmer Loc: Escaped from the NYC area, back to MA

I have a lunch group that meets every other week. I started bringing cartoons to the lunch to pass around. Then I moved out of town. Then Covid came along and the lunch moved to Zoom so I joined in again. And emailed cartoons to everyone.

Coming up with a bunch of cartoons is work. Not a problem if you want to present a few cartoons now and then, but daily, it's work. You can't just have a list of cartoonists you look at, cartoonists change their cartoons at irregular intervals. So you have to have a lot of them, and some aren't always funny, so you have to select them. Not a real problem for every other week, but it probably takes an hour on the internet to get a bunch of good cartoons. Biweekly, OK. Daily, I don't have time.

I understand why bcheary took a break.

So I have a folder that I put cartoons into. When it's time for a zoomlunch I send out those cartoons. I then move the cartoons to an archive subfolder. I have a Lightroom cartoon catalog that the archive folder gets loaded into, with keywords. So I can instantly find topical cartoons for reference. Been doing this for probably 10 years so I have around 8000 cartoons in the catalog.

While the cartoons may be enjoyed by my zoomlunch compatriots, a lot of the cartoons are not appropriate for UHH. I'd be spending a lot of time in the attic, a place I don't wish to frequent (although it happens occasionally).

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

I'll post some now - "Today's Laughs."

photon-collector Loc: Tampa Bay Area, Florida

Men Are Just Happier People:

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES
- If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
- If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
- When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
- When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
- A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
- The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
- A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
- Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
- A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor ... And to the men who will enjoy reading.

srg

jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY

I'm a big fan of the Oxford comma.