YOOPER-isms
Dec 11, 2023 21:31:22 #
FROM THE YOOPER PAGE ON FACEBOOK. (YOOPER = people from the upper peninsula of MI)
My wife, Mary, is a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person, but she has a very quick wit. I have a nearly 40-page collection of what I call Maryisms. Here are some of my favorites:
Me: "If you hold your thumb up to the night sky, there are millions of stars behind your thumb that you can't see."
Mary: "Well, duh! You can't see them because your thumb's in the way."
Me: "I have the body of a Greek god."
Mary: "Buddha wasn’t Greek."
Reminiscing with my 80-year-old mom about family and raising kids...
Mom: "It's amazing what I can't remember. Thinking back, I can't remember pain #1 during childbirth."
Mary pointing toward me: "There's pain #1."
Me: "I would like a pill that prevents me from getting any older."
Mary: "You know what happens when you stop getting any older, right?"
Me: "Aw, look, a picture of you when you were younger."
Mary: "Every picture of me was taken when I was younger."
Me: "So PETA forced animal crackers to redesign the box freeing the animals from their cages?"
Mary: "Yeah, but we still take them out of the box and bite their heads off."
Me: "Why does our jug of distilled water have an expiration date."
Mary: "That's when it stops being wet."
Me: “I’m so old I can’t remember celebrating Christmas as a kid.”
Mary: “That’s because Jesus wasn’t born yet.”
Mary on her preschool class: "I like to keep a corner of the classroom as a safe place for crying or tantrums. Now I just have to make a spot for the kids, too."
When we were in Colorado, I injured my big toe, possibly broken, so I was trying to look up how to treat it.
Mary: "You could tape it to the other big toe."
Me admiring and comparing my new hammer to the old one:
Mary: “Are you going to sleep with that hammer?”
Me: “Yep. Do you want to sleep with the old one or the new one?”
Mary: “Are you talking hammers or husbands?”
One of Mary's preschool children: "When a baby's born, how do you know if it's a boy or a girl?”
Mary: "Because when the baby's born, the doctor says 'IT'S A BOY!' or 'IT'S A GIRL!'"
Me: "You know you're my trophy wife, right?"
Mary: "Yeah, participation trophy."
Me: "I would love to live in an igloo."
Mary: "Wouldn't it be kind of embarrassing changing clothes in the summertime?"
News this morning showed a clip of two 90+ year olds running a 60-meter dash.
Me: “That's old news. They showed that clip last week.”
Mary: “They're still running. They haven't finished the race yet.”
Law firm's TV commercial: "If you've suffered death, call us now!"
Mary: "I guess if you're enjoying being dead, you don't have to call."
Mary: “If you could ever have a twin fruit, it would have to be an avocado. You are both nuts on the inside with lots of soft fat on the outside.”
Mary after shopping prior to an interview, "You know you live in a small town when you buy your clothes for a job interview in the same store as you buy your chickens."
About a lady we saw in the theater tonight: "She's very fashion conscious. She's just not very good at it."
Mary: "Whoever invented traffic circles where everyone goes at once was obviously not a pre-school teacher."
One of Mary's children was talking about a new feather pillow the child had at home.
Child: "What if the chicken wants the feathers back and comes to get them?"
Mary: "Honey, you ate the chicken for dinner last night."
Mary: "I got something at the store to make me happy."
Me: "Good for you. What'd you get?"
Mary: "I got you some deodorant."
Me: "What do you like better, my muscular physique or my rugged good looks?"
Mary: "Your sense of humor."
News spot this morning about a 100-year-old celebrating her birthday. She's known in the community as a co-founder of the local museum.
Mary: "Co-founder? She's also one of the exhibits."
I have a windshield washer solution issue. Front won't squirt. But when I push the button to squirt solution on the rear window, it also squirts through the front ports onto the windshield.
Me, looking at the wiring diagram and talking out loud to myself: "Now why does it squirt out both ends at once?"
Mary: "The same thing happens when you step on a frog.”
My wife, Mary, is a quiet, behind-the-scenes type of person, but she has a very quick wit. I have a nearly 40-page collection of what I call Maryisms. Here are some of my favorites:
Me: "If you hold your thumb up to the night sky, there are millions of stars behind your thumb that you can't see."
Mary: "Well, duh! You can't see them because your thumb's in the way."
Me: "I have the body of a Greek god."
Mary: "Buddha wasn’t Greek."
Reminiscing with my 80-year-old mom about family and raising kids...
Mom: "It's amazing what I can't remember. Thinking back, I can't remember pain #1 during childbirth."
Mary pointing toward me: "There's pain #1."
Me: "I would like a pill that prevents me from getting any older."
Mary: "You know what happens when you stop getting any older, right?"
Me: "Aw, look, a picture of you when you were younger."
Mary: "Every picture of me was taken when I was younger."
Me: "So PETA forced animal crackers to redesign the box freeing the animals from their cages?"
Mary: "Yeah, but we still take them out of the box and bite their heads off."
Me: "Why does our jug of distilled water have an expiration date."
Mary: "That's when it stops being wet."
Me: “I’m so old I can’t remember celebrating Christmas as a kid.”
Mary: “That’s because Jesus wasn’t born yet.”
Mary on her preschool class: "I like to keep a corner of the classroom as a safe place for crying or tantrums. Now I just have to make a spot for the kids, too."
When we were in Colorado, I injured my big toe, possibly broken, so I was trying to look up how to treat it.
Mary: "You could tape it to the other big toe."
Me admiring and comparing my new hammer to the old one:
Mary: “Are you going to sleep with that hammer?”
Me: “Yep. Do you want to sleep with the old one or the new one?”
Mary: “Are you talking hammers or husbands?”
One of Mary's preschool children: "When a baby's born, how do you know if it's a boy or a girl?”
Mary: "Because when the baby's born, the doctor says 'IT'S A BOY!' or 'IT'S A GIRL!'"
Me: "You know you're my trophy wife, right?"
Mary: "Yeah, participation trophy."
Me: "I would love to live in an igloo."
Mary: "Wouldn't it be kind of embarrassing changing clothes in the summertime?"
News this morning showed a clip of two 90+ year olds running a 60-meter dash.
Me: “That's old news. They showed that clip last week.”
Mary: “They're still running. They haven't finished the race yet.”
Law firm's TV commercial: "If you've suffered death, call us now!"
Mary: "I guess if you're enjoying being dead, you don't have to call."
Mary: “If you could ever have a twin fruit, it would have to be an avocado. You are both nuts on the inside with lots of soft fat on the outside.”
Mary after shopping prior to an interview, "You know you live in a small town when you buy your clothes for a job interview in the same store as you buy your chickens."
About a lady we saw in the theater tonight: "She's very fashion conscious. She's just not very good at it."
Mary: "Whoever invented traffic circles where everyone goes at once was obviously not a pre-school teacher."
One of Mary's children was talking about a new feather pillow the child had at home.
Child: "What if the chicken wants the feathers back and comes to get them?"
Mary: "Honey, you ate the chicken for dinner last night."
Mary: "I got something at the store to make me happy."
Me: "Good for you. What'd you get?"
Mary: "I got you some deodorant."
Me: "What do you like better, my muscular physique or my rugged good looks?"
Mary: "Your sense of humor."
News spot this morning about a 100-year-old celebrating her birthday. She's known in the community as a co-founder of the local museum.
Mary: "Co-founder? She's also one of the exhibits."
I have a windshield washer solution issue. Front won't squirt. But when I push the button to squirt solution on the rear window, it also squirts through the front ports onto the windshield.
Me, looking at the wiring diagram and talking out loud to myself: "Now why does it squirt out both ends at once?"
Mary: "The same thing happens when you step on a frog.”
Dec 12, 2023 00:35:45 #
I was reading through these while sipping my Scotch. When I got to the last one...... I must have looked like a 6 foot aerosol can. Now I have to clean my monitor screen 
Dec 12, 2023 04:09:22 #
Bmarsh wrote:
FROM THE YOOPER PAGE ON FACEBOOK. (YOOPER = people... (show quote)
Beautiful, just beautiful... ♥️
Dec 12, 2023 08:06:58 #
Dec 12, 2023 08:22:41 #
whfowle
Loc: Tampa first, now Albuquerque
I never heard of a yooper before. They sure have a sense of humor!
Dec 12, 2023 08:42:10 #
Dec 12, 2023 11:33:36 #
Bmarsh wrote:
FROM THE YOOPER PAGE ON FACEBOOK. (YOOPER = people... (show quote)
Ha! And my wife wants to know why the first thing I read every morning is the new UHH post.
Dec 12, 2023 12:01:41 #
Bmarsh wrote:
FROM THE YOOPER PAGE ON FACEBOOK. (YOOPER = people... (show quote)
Mary is indeed quick witted. Thanks for sharing these with us and be sure to thank Mary.
Dec 12, 2023 12:03:38 #
Nodpete
Loc: Naperville, IL
whfowle wrote:
I never heard of a yooper before. They sure have a sense of humor!
Well I can confirm that I am/was one ! I was born in the UP and lived there until I graduated high school. I still have family there. There is a special language spoken there, a lot like a Canadian accent but with local twang. The UP consists mostly of small towns. My home town had a population of about 1800 when I was born and today there are only 250 or so left. The year I graduated there were only 121 kids from kindergarten through 12th grade. My senior class had 10. There was a class that had only 3 seniors one year. The school has been torn down and several towns go to a central school now. It's a beautiful area in the Fall and Winter.
Dec 12, 2023 12:04:13 #
Dec 12, 2023 13:36:46 #
GeneV
Loc: Lampasas, Texas
My compliments to Mary for her "Quick Wit", and to you for saving her quips thru the years and for sharing them with us. Please share more anytime. They are my kind of humor and made my day. I'm still laughing at the last one.
Gene
Gene
Dec 12, 2023 14:26:37 #
ackvil
Loc: Delray Beach, FL
I made many business trips to the U.P. (Escanaba, Iron Mountain, and Marquette). I never heard those jokes! They are great!
Dec 13, 2023 02:00:45 #
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