sarge69 Loc: Ft Myers, FL

An elderly couple named Margaret and Burt live in Alberta. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looks up and says, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'

Furious, Bert yells, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope,' she replies.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!'

To which Margaret replies...

'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat!

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An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was stopped by a policeman. "Have you been drinking tonight, sir?" the policeman asked

. "Well, I may have had a pint or two." The man replied, smiling. "Why do you ask?"

"Sir, your wife fell out of the car about a mile back."

"Oh, thank goodness," the man exclaimed. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Burns. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, you manipulate people, and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Treviño since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"

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An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman gave the officer her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

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I gotta stop here. I can't see my monitor.

Sarge69

robbygb Loc: UK

Great those Sarge, still laughing :lol:

Best wishes to you and your family for the Thanksgiving, hope you have a good one!!
Keep posting those jokes, love em!!

:thumbup: :thumbup:

Ol' Frank Loc: Orlando,

Old guys rule!!