1. Why do Germans love Americans? because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

2. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.

3. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?......An American.

4. I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I said to him, “I’ve got a problem,
every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”.
The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

5. How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?....4

6. What’s the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

7. Deleted

8.What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine?
An immigrant.

9.What happened when the American broke his arm? he went broke.

10. My friend calls me up and asks “Hey are you free tonight?” And I say of course, I’m American.

=======================
==========================

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
——————————

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities
—————————

Sorry – Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt.
———————————

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently…
————————

Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- it'll scare the hell out of them.
-------------------

'The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
---------------------

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.’
----------------------

God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!”
————————

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.’
---------------

America doesn't need libraries; you don’t need books here. There are plenty of books in the world, and plenty of people who've read them. It's not your area of expertise.... Stick to what you are truly great at -- TV.
———————

It's pure Americana. It couldn't be any more folksy or wholesome unless Huckleberry Finn suddenly walked in carrying a freshly baked apple pie and started dropping the n-word.
--------------------

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
-------------
Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't -- we have big, fat kids.


There you are, I was talked into posting them........against what I had decided, not post them

Cheers and Beers they are only jokes and if people can't laugh at themselves.......TOUGH@!!!!@!

1. Why do Germans love Americans? because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

2. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.

3. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?......An American.

4. I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I said to him, “I’ve got a problem,
every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”.
The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

5. How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?....4

6. What’s the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

7. Deleted

8.What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine?
An immigrant.

9.What happened when the American broke his arm? he went broke.

10. My friend calls me up and asks “Hey are you free tonight?” And I say of course, I’m American.

=======================
==========================

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
——————————

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities
—————————

Sorry – Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt.
———————————

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently…
————————

Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- it'll scare the hell out of them.
-------------------

'The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
---------------------

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.’
----------------------

God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!”
————————

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.’
---------------

America doesn't need libraries; you don’t need books here. There are plenty of books in the world, and plenty of people who've read them. It's not your area of expertise.... Stick to what you are truly great at -- TV.
———————

It's pure Americana. It couldn't be any more folksy or wholesome unless Huckleberry Finn suddenly walked in carrying a freshly baked apple pie and started dropping the n-word.
--------------------

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
-------------
Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't -- we have big, fat kids.


There you are, I was talked into posting them........against what I had decided, not post them

Cheers and Beers they are only jokes and if people can't laugh at themselves.......TOUGH@!!!!@!

1. Why do Germans love Americans? because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

2. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.

3. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?......An American.

4. I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I said to him, “I’ve got a problem,
every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”.
The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

5. How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?....4

6. What’s the difference between the US and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

7. Deleted

8.What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine?
An immigrant.

9.What happened when the American broke his arm? he went broke.

10. My friend calls me up and asks “Hey are you free tonight?” And I say of course, I’m American.

=======================
==========================

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
——————————

We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities
—————————

Sorry – Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt.
———————————

Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently…
————————

Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- it'll scare the hell out of them.
-------------------

'The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
---------------------

Let's be honest, this is a consumer based economy in America. That's all we manufacture here is need and appetite. We are the world's mouth. They make things in other countries, and they're like, 'Send it to America; they'll eat it.’
----------------------

God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!”
————————

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.’
---------------

America doesn't need libraries; you don’t need books here. There are plenty of books in the world, and plenty of people who've read them. It's not your area of expertise.... Stick to what you are truly great at -- TV.
———————

It's pure Americana. It couldn't be any more folksy or wholesome unless Huckleberry Finn suddenly walked in carrying a freshly baked apple pie and started dropping the n-word.
--------------------

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley -- the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth. And now, you're in your Vegas years. You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet. But you're still the King.
-------------
Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't -- we have big, fat kids.


There you are, I was talked into posting them........against what I had decided, not post them

Cheers and Beers they are only jokes and if people can't laugh at themselves.......TOUGH@!!!!@!