SteveR Loc: Michigan

From a fiend

Just what you needed to know.

I once dated a girl with a twin and people always asked me how I could tell them apart.....
It was simple, Alison painted her nails red, and Bob had a beard.
Ring your own doorbell on your way to bed. This will clear the dogs off the bed.
I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting. Anonymous my eye. I knew everyone there!!
In a society that has you counting money, kilos, calories, and steps, be a rebel and count your 'blessings' instead.
I just asked myself if I'm crazy, and 'We all said No'.
Don't worry about 'getting old'. Worry about 'thinking old'.
You can do a hundred things right
and someone will always point out the ONE thing you did wrong.
Being a 'little older', I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me everyday. He is from India
and he is very concerned about someone scamming me and hacking into my Computer/Banking details.
He is always helpful and asks for my Password to fix my problem.
After that 'Covid thing' last year, my 'going out' clothes have missed me so much.
I put them on and they hugged me so tightly, I could barely breathe.
I told my wife she should 'embrace her mistakes'...............She gave me a hug.
A Genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy". So now I'm living in a little cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine. 'whistle while you work.......'
and finally......
I took my 8 year old daughter to the office on 'take your kid to work day'.
But when we walked into the office she started to cry.
As concerned staff gathered around I asked her what was wrong and she said:
"Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”

Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States

bikinkawboy Loc: north central Missouri

Funny, although the getting old-thinking old is very true. I’ve told my kids that a person can think themselves old.

And the Indian phone caller? Somehow telemarketers got our office phone number. The day we kept count, they called 59 times. I did find that they don’t like it when you quickly and repeatedly bang the receiver on the desk. Doesn’t keep them from calling back though. At one time we had 3 of them on the phones at the same time.

tramsey Loc: Texas

I used to have a problem with telemarketers etc never got as high as 59 calls. I only made it to nineteen. I bought a telephone number blocker from out local Chinese outlet store to America called Wal Mart. Now I get two or three and I only hear from them once.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

sb Loc: Florida's East Coast

Very funny and very true. Love the trick about getting the dogs off the bed. We now (sadly) have "down-sized" to a small dog who doesn't even bother to sleep on the bed.

Funny about AA. I like the line (inspired by the TV show "Cheers": "If you go to a bar where everyone knows your name - you are quite possibly an alcoholic"!

MrMophoto Loc: Rhode Island "The biggest little"

I still have a LAN line but never use it and the mailbox has been full for months, so when a telemarketer calls (they're the only ones that still call that number), I either let it go to voicemail or I answer then promptly ask them if they could hold on while I..., I'll be right back. Then I put the phone down and go back to whatever I was doing. I'm not sure how long any of them wait but after about 20 minutes I just hang up the phone.

Flying Three Loc: Berthoud, CO

Funny. . . .

Thorny Devil Loc: Alice Springs, Central Australia

Great laugh. I love all of them.