A few bad Er jokes
Nov 7, 2012 07:26:37 #
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . ......
'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began
to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
2.... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the
patient.
3.. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .. ' Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
5. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered..... It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was
a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . .. . had to mow the lawn.'
Baby's First Doctor Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . ......
'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began
to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
2.... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the
patient.
3.. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .. ' Why, not for about
twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
5. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered..... It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was
a tattoo that read . .. .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . .. . had to mow the lawn.'
Baby's First Doctor Visit
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied...
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came.'
Nov 7, 2012 08:00:29 #
Nov 8, 2012 08:41:26 #
Nov 8, 2012 08:57:22 #
WOW!!! My cousin is a doctor, and I hope he thinks this is as funny as I do!! :thumbup: :thumbup: 8-)
Nov 8, 2012 08:57:38 #
twitcher32
Loc: North Carolina/Costa Rica
my sides were hurting, but I managed to forward these to my nurse daughter before I totally collapsed laughing
Nov 8, 2012 13:47:44 #
Nov 8, 2012 19:02:35 #
Nov 9, 2012 08:26:40 #
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