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Puns - From a friend
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Aug 24, 2022 14:58:36   #
markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ
 
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent..

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied , "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds: "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Hope you laughed a bit.
Mark

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Aug 24, 2022 15:01:33   #
Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States
 

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Aug 24, 2022 15:19:54   #
mtcoothaman Loc: Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
 

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Aug 24, 2022 15:28:50   #
Drbobcameraguy Loc: Eaton Ohio
 
Thanks πŸ‘ especially for 19. Lol

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Aug 24, 2022 15:45:48   #
TonyF Loc: Bradenton, FL
 

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Aug 24, 2022 15:50:31   #
chuckrem Loc: Katy, Tx
 
Good ones!

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Aug 24, 2022 16:30:44   #
luvmypets Loc: Born & raised Texan living in Fayetteville NC
 
LOL!! It’s always nice to have a good laugh each day!

Dodie

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Aug 24, 2022 16:35:22   #
markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ
 
Thank you all for the replies and comments. Glad you enjoyed the humor.
Mark

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Aug 24, 2022 17:16:46   #
DavidPhares Loc: Chandler, Arizona
 
Good work! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ‘

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Aug 24, 2022 19:21:58   #
markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ
 
DavidPhares wrote:
Good work! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ‘


Thanks, David!
Mark

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Aug 24, 2022 23:33:43   #
Mr. SONY Loc: LI, NY
 
Great.

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Aug 25, 2022 06:57:16   #
Ava'sPapa Loc: Cheshire, Ct.
 
I did and thank you Mark.

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Aug 25, 2022 07:36:20   #
BrianFlaherty Loc: Wilseyville, CA
 
Mark: Sure glad you live 3,000 miles away. . .If I lived any closer and we got together, we'd be wishing we lived 3,000 mies away! <smile>

Punnily yours,

Brian Flaherty

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Aug 25, 2022 07:38:34   #
DaveFinton Loc: Caledonia, Michigan
 
And the rest of number 6, the other cannibal replied, "Yeah, man - I’m having a ball!”

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Aug 25, 2022 07:46:00   #
joehel2 Loc: Cherry Hill, NJ
 
Fabulous puns, most were new to me. Thanks for sharing them.

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