JEWISH HUMOR - From the "Borscht Belt" - some are very old, but so am I!!

Enjoy,
Mark

The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!” Patient: “I am 60!” Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?”
Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.” Doctor: “Don’t answer!”
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.”
The drunk says “Okay, let’s get started.”
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
A man called his mother in Florida , “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,” said the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son said, “Why are you so weak?” She said, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.” The son said, “That’s terrible. Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?” The mother answered, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, “What part is it?” The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.” “The mother scowls and says, “Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part.”
Question: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: (Sigh) “Don’t bother. I’ll sit in the dark. I don’t want to be a nuisance to anybody.”
Short summary of every Jewish holiday — They tried to kill us. We survived. Let’s eat.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.” “Force yourself,” she replied.
Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Another addition to our reminiscing about Ed Sullivan. . .I once wrote a letter to Ed "Soloman" but, never received a reply. . .This is pretty much what I wrote (Might be the reason he never replied?):

Dear Ed Soloman: I just wanted to tell you that I get a kick out of all the great Jewish comedians that you bring to your show. It's wonderful that you are giving so many of them a "showcase" that is NOT in the Catskills: Henny Youngman; Myron Cohen; Jerry Lewis; Bob Einstein; Lenny Bruce; Carl Reiner; Mel Brooks; Milton Berle; Rodney Dangerfield: Victor Borge;
Jackie Mason; Shelly Berman; Woody Allen; Danny Kaye; Red Buttons; Buddy Hackett; Ed Wynn; and, let's not forget, those crazy Brothers: Groucho; Gummo; Harpo; Chico; and, Zeppo! So many. . .Your Mama, Mrs Soloman, would be proud of her boy, Edward!
PS. . .This will be our little secret. . That your roots are really "Jewish." And, you just use "Sullivan" as your stage name!