Time for a little HUMOR --- Have a GREAT Friday
Mar 11, 2022 10:05:06 #
an oldie - but, a goldie...
The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed: Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)… Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!
The query:
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed: Desperate
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)… Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
Good Luck
Mar 11, 2022 10:15:11 #
Mar 11, 2022 10:19:22 #
Shellback wrote:
an oldie - but, a goldie... br br The young woman... (show quote)
The pro version of Advanced Boudoir 2.0 also seems to work well in these situations.
Mar 11, 2022 10:21:44 #
Mar 11, 2022 11:51:12 #
Mar 12, 2022 06:02:03 #
Mar 12, 2022 09:13:24 #
Mar 12, 2022 09:53:38 #
"I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
"I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode, and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
"GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.
"I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
"Shortly after, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta - and it gave me a virus.
I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first, and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still there.
"I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about; it automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both.
"The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still problems.
Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than totbhe desired functionality.
Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally 'object-oriented'.
"A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancée 1.0. So he did, but soon after that he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. "
"He'd decided to go with Wife 1.0 because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. But it turns out that the resource allocation module of
Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 only runs on a well warmed-up system. Also, although he didn't ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
"I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he'd heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install because of insufficient resources."
"I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode, and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
"GirlFriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.
"I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
"Shortly after, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta - and it gave me a virus.
I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first, and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still there.
"I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about; it automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both.
"The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still problems.
Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than totbhe desired functionality.
Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally 'object-oriented'.
"A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancée 1.0. So he did, but soon after that he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. "
"He'd decided to go with Wife 1.0 because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus. But it turns out that the resource allocation module of
Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 only runs on a well warmed-up system. Also, although he didn't ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.
"I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he'd heard that if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install because of insufficient resources."
Mar 12, 2022 10:00:35 #
This version is even older, originally around in the days of DOS!
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Golf 9.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to
Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program
maintenance scan (PMS).
You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are
cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean
and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support
Jim
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Golf 9.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run
EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to
Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it's monthly program
maintenance scan (PMS).
You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are
cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean
and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support
Jim
Mar 12, 2022 10:01:03 #
Mar 12, 2022 10:20:18 #
Mar 12, 2022 16:22:58 #
Mar 12, 2022 18:49:33 #
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