Cheese

CALLER:
Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:
My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:
I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

47greyfox Loc: on the edge of the Colorado front range

Life is tough for a hermit wannabe.

Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States

KillroyII Loc: Middle Georgia

Funny, but too true for my comfort

NMGal Loc: NE NM

Hitting too close to home.

PhotogHobbyist Loc: Bradford, PA

Google Pizza would be in violation of HIPPA laws if they access the caller's medical records without the personal authorization of the caller.

tcthome Loc: NJ

Longshadow Loc: Audubon, PA, United States

It's a joke.......
Humor.

But unfortunately, some people might not realize that what you said is true.

gsmith051 Loc: Fairfield Glade, TN

Now that is scary!!

srscary Loc: Cary, NC

👍👍👍

rlv567 Loc: Baguio City, Philippines

Unfortunately, we're almost there now!!! Google knows everything about you, as does Facebook - EVERYTHING!!! That's why, on general principles I quit Facebook some time ago. 1984!!!!! - it just took a little longer!

Loren - in Beautiful Baguio City

Stephan G

Depends on the size of pizza ordered. The sizes are made by specified doctors, this one being the provider for caller.

Runninglate Loc: Saint Cloud, Florida

People complain about the government having information about them, yet they are willing to give facebook and other social media accounts a day-to-day description of what they are doing. Cute story and afraid oh so true.

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Love it!! Just brilliant!!
Mark

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

That sounds about right.