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Funny Puns
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Apr 10, 2021 07:40:11   #
jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY
 
Most of these are new to me.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass".

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Reply
Apr 10, 2021 07:43:59   #
Abo Loc: Victoria Australia
 
:)

Reply
Apr 10, 2021 09:01:26   #
jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana
 
Some new ones there for me.

Reply
 
 
Apr 10, 2021 11:46:54   #
jerryc41 Loc: Catskill Mts of NY
 
jaymatt wrote:
Some new ones there for me.


Yes. That's what I liked about this bunch.

Reply
Apr 10, 2021 15:46:14   #
petrochemist Loc: UK
 
Very good, I think I'd actually met about 3/4 of them before, but often not for a long time.
Every one brought a smile!

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 00:43:33   #
nobler
 
Good stuff. Thanks!

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 06:18:34   #
Doddy Loc: Barnard Castle-England
 
👍

Reply
 
 
Apr 11, 2021 06:29:16   #
Moondoggie Loc: Southern California
 
Some Funny ones!😊😀😊😀

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 06:46:08   #
yssirk123 Loc: New Jersey
 

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 07:27:28   #
Terkat
 
Good morning "jerry"

This one is along somewhat similar lines and goes back to when I was in Grade school. I am 71 now.

(HINT: It's just a little scatological).

It goes -

"Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a missionary in the jungle?"

In second grade it took me a little while to get it although when I did I used it often. The word "gross", as in "disgusting", was never used then as it is now although I think my mother would have used it when she heard
this one.

Anyway, all the best to you and yours,

Terry

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 09:20:32   #
bobmcculloch Loc: NYC, NY
 
jerryc41 wrote:
Most of these are new to me.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass".

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Most of these are new to me. br br Puns for Educa... (show quote)


I like 'em, some of them look familiar, I have several collections of puns that I post on my Tumblr blog, always looking for more.

Reply
 
 
Apr 11, 2021 10:24:01   #
tcthome Loc: Keansburg , NJ
 
Pretty soon you can #14 off the list.

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 12:43:08   #
RainierView Loc: Eatonville, WA
 
jerryc41 wrote:
Most of these are new to me.

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass".

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Most of these are new to me. br br Puns for Educa... (show quote)


Almost all new to me too. All funny, loved the one about 'Keep off the grass'.

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 14:14:35   #
olddutch Loc: Beloit, Wisconsin
 
Nice job Jerry. Even my iPhone groaned at some of these jewels. New or older it gives a break from a bit of everyday life. Top shelf stuff, till it falls on you. Thank you.

Reply
Apr 11, 2021 14:18:01   #
NickelCigar Loc: Lenexa, Kansas
 
Hilarious.

Reply
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