markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally
alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she
got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stock broker instead.

25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit
on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Hope these brought a few smiles & chuckles to you. They did for me.
Mark

jeep_daddy Loc: Prescott AZ

Some were quite funny.

rwags18 Loc: Oregon

Thank you for sharing!! These are good

jdtonkinson Loc: Red Wing, MN

Hilarious indeed

NMGal Loc: NE NM

Lol.

fjdarling Loc: Mesa, Arizona, USA

Thanks for the chuckle.

Bob Mevis Loc: Plymouth, Indiana

Funny indeed. Thanks for the smiles.

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

Thanks,
Mark

Scruples Loc: Brooklyn, New York

My all time favorite was from a doctor who prescribed “Coffee Enema”. I had paged him if he wanted milk and sugar with that but never got an answer from the page.
Most of the orders on patient’s charts are from medical students or worse Post Graduate Year doctors waiting to be licensed. Heaven help us since most of these doctors may have learned in a tool shed somewhere.

dancers Loc: melbourne.victoria, australia

LOVE these Mark...................LOVE them!

markngolf Loc: Bridgewater, NJ

As you were a pharmacist, I’m sure you a wide list of experiences.

Thanks, Steven
Mark

MadMikeOne Loc: So. NJ Shore - a bit west of Atlantic City

Laughed so hard that #28 almost happened.

Scruples Loc: Brooklyn, New York

I am flabbergasted majority of the time that doctors in hospitals usually make me laugh. I could tell my wife but she works as a hospital pharmacist as well. All of these are true and there are so many more that can curl a mustache.

TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC

I laughed, but my wife, an RN, just nodded knowingly.

Scruples Loc: Brooklyn, New York

Oh yes, reading patient’s medical records was always a pain in the LEFT ZORCH! After a while, I would visit the nursing unit when they were doing report. It was a lot easier to understand what was going on rather than spend time laughing hysterically.