sjb3

I joined this Forum in May of 2016, with high hopes of learning something and participating as well. In November of that year, however, my wife started to show signs of what appeared to be age-related dementia (at the time she was 73; I'm six years younger; we've been married since 1983). This only got worse, much worse, as time passed.

From the beginning she has vehemently denied there's anything wrong with her, getting screaming mad at even the suggestion. She absolutely refused to be examined and/or tested, much less medicated, and the law was on her side since she posed no actual danger to herself or to other people. But trust me, it was and is hell on earth to live with, one day at a time. Of course, I've not done much photography in the interim; you could count on the fingers of one hand how many times I've actually taken up a camera and done something with it.

Along with having to keep a constant eye on my wife, who's also slowly losing her sight to macular degeneration diagnosed in mid-2017, I have to fight an ongoing battle with severe, unrelieved depression that effectively keeps me from doing simple, enjoyable things (like photgraphy, except that while it's very enjoyable it's far from simple). Over these last few years I've at times made an effort to get back into the light, so to speak; in early December of '17 I posted here about my "moving up" to my first DSLR, a Nikon d5300. I was excited and interested, and received a lot of encouragement from members of this forum.

But it never got off the ground; less than 3 months later her condition deteriorated even further, to the point where I literally couldn't go anywhere. From that time (early 2018) to the present I haven't left this house except to buy groceries and go to medical appointments; this current pandemic lockdown and stay-at-home routine bemoaned by so many people is a walk in the park by comparison. I've been housebound and socially isolated for years, not months.

Fighting depression is harder than ever, and photography has been on the lowest flame of the back burner. Last month I sent the Nikon, which was essentially still brand new, to my brother in Denver where it now has a home attached to an 8-inch Celestron Telescope. At least it's being used (just not by me).

In spite of all this, and the reason I'm doing this post, is because by God I don't want to give up! I like photography a lot, always have, even if I'm not very good at it (and definitely not consistent). I still have my old Fuji bridge camera, and my little jewel-like GoPro cameras. About my only recreational activity has been reading (thank the Good Lord for Project Gutenberg online) but of late I've been making an effort (as described in the earlier paragraph) by successfully building out of PVC pipe a Frugal Filmmaker-inspired stabo rig for the Fuji and an adaptation of the FigRig specially made for a GoPro.

Since I can't and won't be going out and about to shoot, I'll just have to work with what's here at home; it's a problem in that I've been here 27 years (we built the place after I retired from 20 years active duty in Uncle Sam's Army) and I've never really looked at it from a photographer's viewpoint. But I gotta start somewhere. And once I post this, I've gotta follow through or look like a chicken-hearted quitter. So wish me luck, and here goes...

ORpilot Loc: Prineville, Or

deleted

ORpilot Loc: Prineville, Or

During the Great Depression, Many famous photographers didn't get out to shoot grand photographs either. No one was paying photographers for portraits and commercial photography was non existent. Look at some of the early Ansel Adams, Edward Weston, Edward Steichen, as well as others. They photographed things around their house like food, curtains, shadows, plants, and anything that got in the way of their lens. Check them out....You may get inspired. When I was in college working on my BFA in photography, I didn't have a car let alone any money to get out and about either. I photographed things in my dorm room, simple things like hakerchief, mugs, pencils, books, bed sheets, and even an envelope. A few of those photos are some of my best work. Anyway, I hope this helps to get you started again. Happy Shooting https://sotamedialab.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/pepper-no-30-di-edward-weston.jpg

TreborLow

I can appreciate your situation. My mother went through a very similar path. She was alone and far away, but my brother and I visited as often as possible and they were not enjoyable visits. Fortunately there was care available, but her condition deteriorated steadily. I wish I could be more helpful on that front. I will say that the home restrictions of Covid-19 have forced me to take more pictures around the house and dig out some old macro accessories. Just took a picture of an orange with back lighting and a couple of dimes that compared a new shiney with with a very worn one. I found a tiny salt shaker with colorful glass and took and interesting closeup of that as well. Several arrangements of kitchen ware have been recent subjects as well. We do have some flowers and they are often topics.
I joined online camera clubs and we meet via zoom and that has been wonderful!
Stay safe and I wish you well.
Bob

couch coyote Loc: northern Illinois

So sorry to hear of your situation. I can't say enough how much I admire your spirit and grit in refusing to give up!!!! In any endeavor, just making that initial decision to do something is often the hardest part. Hopefully you'll follow through by keeping that camera close at hand and shooting any little inconsequential thing that catches your eye. Noticing is the thing, not results.

The way I see it is that all photography is the photography of light. If there's no light, we can't see anything, right? So my offering to you as a fellow photographer is to suggest you follow the light around your house. As it comes in each window, it will fall on different things. Don't worry about naming those things, just look at the patterns as the light lays across them. The rough texture of the arm of a chair as the light lays across it. The shine as light strikes a glass on the table. The edge of a window curtain. A picture on the wall that is partly in light, partly in shadow.

Don't worry about an accurate record of the object. In fact, the more abstract, the better. Just have fun with it! Sometimes the more you study some tiny thing, the more you walk around it and see it with fresh eyes, the more wonderful it becomes.

Even in the midst of struggle, ESPECIALLY in the midst of struggle, it's not a sin to let flashes of wonder and joy into your heart. Be well, my friend.

Najataagihe

Then, don't.

Depression is a major PITA.

It clouds your perception of EVERYTHING!

Sucks, quite honestly.


Forget the camera, at first.

You need to SEE, not LOOK.

Looking keeps you from bumping into the furniture.

Seeing is a whole 'nother kettle of fish.


Start simply.

Pick up whatever glass from which you are drinking and SEE it.

What shape?

What details?

How does it catch the light?

Is it dull?

Is it shiny?

Is it transparent, translucent or opaque?

Round or square?

Are there patterns on it that the manufacturer didn't intend?

Does it resemble any other object?


Hundreds of questions are possible.

Turn the thing to a different attitude and observe it, again.

What changed?


Depression will make you want to just throw up your hands and say to Hades with it.

Recapture the fresh perception of seeing something for the first time.

After a while, it gets easier and you become so interested in the thousands of ways to see what is around you that you don't have time for depression.

It is hard, at first, but well worth the effort.


Look at your wife, both literally and with your mind's eye.

Literally, she is suffering dementia.

In your mind's eye, she is the same as she was in 1983.


What is your favorite view of her face?

From the front?

From the side?

From above?


Which view, now, shows the woman she was, then, most strongly?

Why?

How does the light on her face change when she moves or as time passes throughout the day?


The woman you married is still there, although she may be buried deep in the dementia, and you are still in love with her.

Find whatever scrap you can and recapture the beauty that made you fall in love with her, in the first place.


Warning: the process can be painful, but it is well worth it, as it not only beats down the depression, it helps deal with her dementia.


Most importantly of all, keep us updated.

Folks here may tear each others opinions apart on a regular basis, but they really do care about the UHH family and you are a part of that family.

Don't hesitate to rail online.

With the database of life experience on this forum, there is no dragon we cannot slay.


Now, move out and I'll meet you on the high ground.