Four Guy Jokes
Jan 21, 2020 22:22:00 #
One fall day, a guy is out raking leaves and he notices a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse is a second hearse, and behind that is a man walking sadly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
The guy's intrigued so he goes up to the man following the second hearse, and he asks him, "Who's in that first hearse?"
Man says, "My wife."
Guy says, "I'm sorry. What happened to her?"
Man says, "My dog bit her and she died."
Guy then asks who's in the second hearse.
Man says, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."
Guy says, "Can I borrow your dog?"
Man says, "Get in line."
++++++++++
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
++++++++++
A couple met on a golf course and fell in love. A few weeks later, the guy said, "It's only fair to warn you, I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, breathe, and sleep golf". The lady said, "Since we are being honest here, I have something to tell you, I'm a Hooker". The guy looked down to the ground, and thought for a minute, and then looked up and said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball".
++++++++++
Jack was driving home after a hard day's work, and he was not in a good mood. Nothing at the office had gone right, and so when he was about to make the turnoff and a car came wildly careening around the corner in his lane, he was furious! To make matters worse, the lady driving the car stuck her head out the window and yelled "PIG! PIG!" Jack couldn't contain himself any longer. He rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "Fuck you, you skanky bitch!" Still fuming, he drove around the corner and run into a pig standing in the middle of the road.
The guy's intrigued so he goes up to the man following the second hearse, and he asks him, "Who's in that first hearse?"
Man says, "My wife."
Guy says, "I'm sorry. What happened to her?"
Man says, "My dog bit her and she died."
Guy then asks who's in the second hearse.
Man says, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."
Guy says, "Can I borrow your dog?"
Man says, "Get in line."
++++++++++
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
++++++++++
A couple met on a golf course and fell in love. A few weeks later, the guy said, "It's only fair to warn you, I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, breathe, and sleep golf". The lady said, "Since we are being honest here, I have something to tell you, I'm a Hooker". The guy looked down to the ground, and thought for a minute, and then looked up and said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball".
++++++++++
Jack was driving home after a hard day's work, and he was not in a good mood. Nothing at the office had gone right, and so when he was about to make the turnoff and a car came wildly careening around the corner in his lane, he was furious! To make matters worse, the lady driving the car stuck her head out the window and yelled "PIG! PIG!" Jack couldn't contain himself any longer. He rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "Fuck you, you skanky bitch!" Still fuming, he drove around the corner and run into a pig standing in the middle of the road.
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