Captain Smithers
Aug 15, 2019 15:54:58 #
jaycoffman
Loc: San Diego
Captain Smithers: A wonderful historical short story.
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than five feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honors from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after 3 expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the boxing middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of......."
Here the colonel interrupted.
"Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers; the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you called the witch doctor a motherfucker."
In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement, and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than five feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honors from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after 3 expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the boxing middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of......."
Here the colonel interrupted.
"Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers; the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you called the witch doctor a motherfucker."
Aug 15, 2019 19:33:55 #
Aug 16, 2019 06:19:17 #
Aug 16, 2019 07:06:23 #
Aug 16, 2019 07:31:08 #
Aug 16, 2019 08:12:30 #
Aug 16, 2019 08:54:47 #
Aug 16, 2019 09:39:17 #
Aug 16, 2019 10:39:24 #
Aug 16, 2019 11:24:21 #
Aug 16, 2019 15:24:40 #
The way this one started out it reminded me of:
In the greatest days of the British Empire, Dr. Livingston is working his way through the jungle.
He comes into a clearing and sees this beautiful vivacious tall African woman.
Thinking he recognizes her tribe, he says, "Ubangi?"
She responds, "Ubetcha!"
In the greatest days of the British Empire, Dr. Livingston is working his way through the jungle.
He comes into a clearing and sees this beautiful vivacious tall African woman.
Thinking he recognizes her tribe, he says, "Ubangi?"
She responds, "Ubetcha!"
Aug 16, 2019 18:48:17 #
Aug 16, 2019 19:42:50 #
Aug 16, 2019 21:48:25 #
Aug 17, 2019 12:45:59 #
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