The Prince of Darkness: A well grounded collection of Prince of Darkness Curses. If you do not see the humour, then you have been fortunate enough to have never owned an English car.

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

A well grounded collection of Prince of Darkness Curses.
If you do not see the humour, then you have been fortunate enough to have never owned an English car.
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The Lucas Electric motto: "Get home before dark."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness."

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp

The three-position Lucas Headlamp Switch-- OFF, DIM & FLICKER.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob....

If Lucas made guns, wars would be obsolete

Did you hear about the Lucas-powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner,
"How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" He replied,
"It doesn't matter which one you use; nothing happens anyway!"

In the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners.
It was the only product they offered that didn't suck.

Lucas Quality Assurance advised engineering that they had trouble with his design shorting out.
So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas refrigerators.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
Joseph Lucas invented the short circuit, open circuit, and intermittent circuit!
A 3-in-1 British Patent.
Extra credit was awarded for "the floating ground", but was met with high resistance.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment:
Check the position of the stars,
Kill a chicken,
Walk three times sun-wise around your car, chanting:
"Oh mighty Prince of Darkness, protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems actually use AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Joseph's Mother claimed that he had very high potential,
but it is currently believed that Joseph had high resistance to this circuitous explanation.

BlueMorel Loc: Southwest Michigan

Long but 😄

UTMike Loc: South Jordan, UT

Spot on - from a former Austin-Healy owner!

TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC

BBurns wrote:

i A well grounded collection of Prince of Darknes... (show quote)

Excellent collection. I have owned about a dozen British automobiles in my younger years, so let me add: “why wear driving gloves with a British car? So you can pull the smoldering wiring harness from under the dash without serious burns to your hands (true experience - Triumph TR4).

BBurns Loc: South Bay, California

TriX wrote:

Excellent collection.....So you can pull the smoldering wiring harness from under the dash without serious burns to your hands....

I forgot to add this photo of a factory service part.

Muddyvalley Loc: McMinnville, Oregon

Having owned a AH3000, a couple of MGTDs and an MGTF, I have to agree. There was a reason MG built a tool box on the firewall under the hood accessible from either side. However, I've yet to have another car so dependably easy to work on.

TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC

BBurns wrote:

I forgot to add this photo of a factory service part.

Wonderful!

Lucas is the reason I don’t collect Classic British cars. SU carbs, Girling brakes, Armstrong shocks, Autopulse electric fuel pumps, Connely leather, Smith gauges, and hemp rope rear main seals - no problem, but Lucas, left on the side of the road too many times. 2 Bugeye Sprites, MGA, Spitfire, TR4, 2 Minis (one a 1275s), Sunbeam Alpine series 2, Lotus Cortina, Anglia, jaguar 3.8 MKII (maybe more - I forget).

Btw, is that louvered hood the jar is on an XKE, a Heally LeMans or???

Dikdik Loc: Winnipeg, Canada

TriX wrote:

2 Bugeye Sprites, MGA, Spitfire, TR4, 2 Minis (one a 1275s), Sunbeam Alpine series 2, Lotus Cortina, Anglia, jaguar 3.8 MKII (maybe more - I forget).

When younger, I've owned a Bugeye Sprite, MGBGT, Triumph Spitfire, TR4, 3 Coopers (2 1275 Cooper S), and a Sunbeam Alpine. My one Cooper, I had two twin Webber carbs... one for each cylinder. It wasn't until you hit about 3 grand when the carbs began to work, and, it was just like an 'on' switch was flipped.

Dik

TriX Loc: Raleigh, NC

Dikdik wrote:

When younger, I've owned a Bugeye Sprite, MGBGT, Triumph Spitfire, TR4, 3 Coopers (2 1275 Cooper S), and a Sunbeam Alpine. My one Cooper, I had two twin Webber carbs... one for each cylinder. It wasn't until you hit about 3 grand when the carbs began to work, and, it was just like an 'on' switch was flipped.

Dik

Cool! Spent a fair portion of my misspent youth playing with cars, racing SCCA (and doing poorly) and tuning DCOE Webers. Gave my collection of jets, emulsion tubes and venturis to another car nut when I moved to cars with fuel injection, but nothing looks sexier (well almost) than a pair of DCOE or triple-throat IDA Webers

krashdragon

I learned to drive stick in a Spitfire.
You either got 3rd gear right, or didnt go anywhere.
One date night, with my b.f. and I all dressed up, the wind blew the door shut so hard, the side window shattered.
And that is why we have safety glass. 😁

John N Loc: HP14 3QF Stokenchurch, UK

If I went to Scotland I could count on my Hillman not starting every 500 miles or so. Answer, remove generator, lift brushes clean and replace. I did this so many times there was never any dirt there but it always worked!
Despite skimming the commutator and cleaning the slots, replacing the brushes with custom made ones (I was doing an apprenticeship with an electric hand-tools manufacturer) it was never cured.

1Feathercrest Loc: NEPA

I have owned a variety of English sports cars and and the derisive jokes were more quirky than the electrics. I loved those underpowered relics.

Rich2236 Loc: E. Hampstead, New Hampshire

Absolutely right on! I have owned two MG's. A 1953, MGTDMKII, and a 1955 MGTF1500. Usually I tried to park on a slight hill so I could get them started. But oh! those sporty cars were wonderful !!!
Rich...

1Feathercrest Loc: NEPA

UTMike wrote:

Spot on - from a former Austin-Healy owner!

Two Mark III AH's, variety of MG's, Triumph "bug eye" Sprite. They are all in English sport car heaven now as I was always too poor to maintain them as befitted their heritage. I had a manual personally signed by Donald Healy that I gave with one of the cars. It recommended leaving slight oil (from leaks) on the undercarriage to prevent (delay) rusting.

llamb Loc: Northeast Ohio

Muddyvalley wrote:

Having owned a AH3000, a couple of MGTDs and an MGTF, I have to agree. There was a reason MG built a tool box on the firewall under the hood accessible from either side. However, I've yet to have another car so dependably easy to work on.

I, too, had an MGTD ('52) and a TR-3 (animal) built for the track. Fun cars. I bent a lot of valves in the TD. I could change a valve and still make it to school on time, well almost. ;-) I look under the hood of my Buick and cringe at all the plastic and confusing little mysteries...

~Lee