The Pick pocket
Aug 1, 2012 10:23:53 #
A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to 8 months jail term with an option of $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking; Your honor, my client can only afford $50, but if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd
Aug 2, 2012 07:42:19 #
While teaching children about world religions, a teacher asked her students to bring a symbol of their family's faith to class. The next day, she asked each student to come forward and share the symbol with the class.
The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah."
The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary."
The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint."
The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."
The 1st child said, "I'm Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."
The 2nd child said, "I'm Jewish, and this is my family's menorah."
The 3rd child said, "I'm Roman Catholic, and this is my Mom's rosary."
The 4th child said, "I'm Greek Orthodox, and this is an icon of my patron saint."
The 5th child said, "I'm Southern Baptist, and this is my casserole dish."
Aug 2, 2012 07:43:29 #
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts" and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Thinking things were going very well, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened"?
The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine until a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts" and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts." They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Thinking things were going very well, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened"?
The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine until a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS.
Aug 2, 2012 23:16:47 #
Aug 3, 2012 08:59:52 #
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Aug 3, 2012 09:24:31 #
Aug 3, 2012 10:43:06 #
mlj wrote:
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Bravo! I have just sent this to my over-65 friends.
Aug 3, 2012 11:13:29 #
http://www.uglyhedgehog.com/compose_reply.jsp?topicnum=55203&postnum=915323#
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
djmills wrote:
Bravo! I have just sent this to my over-65 friends.
mlj wrote:
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT? What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
Bravo! I have just sent this to my over-65 friends.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Aug 3, 2012 14:00:44 #
The Amazing Human Body
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women will be finished reading this by now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women will be finished reading this by now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
Aug 3, 2012 14:07:01 #
Onquest wrote:
The Amazing Human Body br br It takes your food s... (show quote)
:thumbup: :thumbup: Here are my two thumbs.
Aug 3, 2012 14:17:06 #
Aug 4, 2012 09:45:45 #
Aug 5, 2012 14:41:01 #
An astute engineer started a new business in Afghanistan.
He is selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
From what I hear, his business is booming and the prophets are going trough the roof.
He is selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
From what I hear, his business is booming and the prophets are going trough the roof.
Aug 15, 2012 01:38:04 #
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