Mature Comments
May 30, 2018 12:47:03 #
I hope you enjoy some light hearted comments.
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able
to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.
3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says, "How do you know?"
The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said: You obviously haven't been listening.
8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."
10. If you get an email entitled, "Nude Photo of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi
Dennis
1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able
to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.
3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job.
I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
5. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
6. A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says, "How do you know?"
The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
7. I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said: You obviously haven't been listening.
8. My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
9. The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway."
10. If you get an email entitled, "Nude Photo of Nancy Pelosi," don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi
Dennis
May 30, 2018 16:59:53 #
May 31, 2018 06:09:57 #
May 31, 2018 07:27:47 #
Good ones, Dennis.
--Bob
--Bob
dennis2146 wrote:
I hope you enjoy some light hearted comments. br ... (show quote)
May 31, 2018 08:46:30 #
May 31, 2018 10:18:47 #
May 31, 2018 10:32:03 #
May 31, 2018 11:36:51 #
May 31, 2018 12:18:34 #
May 31, 2018 12:47:21 #
May 31, 2018 17:45:35 #
May 31, 2018 23:01:00 #
Jun 1, 2018 01:26:53 #
Jun 1, 2018 10:32:39 #
Thank you everyone for your comments. Apparently most people seemed to appreciate the humor. A couple of people did not and that is why I wrote MATURE in my title. Honestly I have seen far worse jokes here and think these are pretty tame.
Dennis
Dennis
Jun 3, 2018 16:11:24 #
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