hasslichhog

Clean and short jokes that will crack you up.





1. Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.

2. I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kind of liked it.

3. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

4. How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler…

5. Nurse: “Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see him.”

6. The stationary store moved.

7. Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? I hear it’s making headlines.

8. Comic Sans walks into a bar.
Bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”

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9. Did you hear about the psychic midget that robbed a bank?
Now there’s a small medium at large.

10. Why are New Yorkers so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is just New Jersey.

11. It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.

12. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.

13. There are two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “do you know how to drive this thing?”

14. Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!

15. “What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino?”
“Ell if I know.”

16. The French have just one egg for breakfast, because that’s un oeuf.

17. Two atoms are walking down the street, one says to the other:
“I think I just lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
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18. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?
LET’S GO RIDE BIKES!!!

19. It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

20. “Knock knock”
“Come in”

21. There were two peanuts walking down an alley, one was assaulted!

22. Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice...

23. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer!

24. The past, present, and future walk into a bar...it was tense!

25. I never make mistakes...I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

26. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATHE!

27. What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it.

28. What do you do with a dead chemist? You Barium...

hasslichhog

Please excuse the formatting I was unable to correct

Dan Downie Loc: Rochester, NY

Thanks for the laughs! It looks like you enjoyed them as much as I did. Keep on laughing and shooting!

BB4A

😂
And, what do you call a dead deer with no eyes?
Still no eye deer.

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

Love these kinds of “one-liners."

brucebc Loc: Tooele, Utah

Wife and I used to live in Long Branch NJ and both got a chuckle out of #10, so true.

raymondh Loc: Walker, MI

DickC Loc: NE Washington state

Some good ones!!