The Rules
Aug 9, 2017 16:28:03 #
The Rules
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. ..........................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party........................+20
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
College drinking buddy........................................-2
Named Tiffany..............................................-4
Tiffany works at
Hooters...............................................-10
With breast implants..................................-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday......................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
You take her out to dinner.....................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal..................................................0
The pal is happily married...................................+1
The pal is single.............................................-7
He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop III.....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in
responding..................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100
Any other response...........................................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"Well, what do you think I should do"........................-50
You have fallen asleep......................................-200
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. ..........................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party........................+20
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
College drinking buddy........................................-2
Named Tiffany..............................................-4
Tiffany works at
Hooters...............................................-10
With breast implants..................................-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday......................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
You take her out to dinner.....................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team..................-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal..................................................0
The pal is happily married...................................+1
The pal is single.............................................-7
He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop III.....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot and exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts....................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in
responding..................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100
Any other response...........................................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"Well, what do you think I should do"........................-50
You have fallen asleep......................................-200
Aug 9, 2017 16:32:41 #
Tikva
Loc: Waukesha, WI
LOL. This was really funny. I'm a woman and I have to admit there is some truth in this point system.
Aug 9, 2017 16:45:17 #
Most of them were good...................+2
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
Aug 9, 2017 17:18:55 #
BassmanBruce wrote:
Most of them were good...................+2
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
I was going to show it to my wife till I saw the -100
Aug 9, 2017 17:20:29 #
In response to 'does this dress make me look fat', I usually respond, no, the dress is an innocent victim. But then I bought my wife a hot tub. Happy wife, happy life (if only)...
Aug 10, 2017 07:25:35 #
Aug 10, 2017 12:20:16 #
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
There actually is a worse response possible than the usual response, as I once found out.
Sixteen years ago, I accompanied a good customer of mine (as a carpenter) on some errands. She was a little overweight and tried on this dress and asked, "How do I look?" I thought it didn't look good. You know how some cows have large black areas on a white background? Her dress had large black areas on a white background, and all I could think to say was "It makes you look like a cow," not realizing what I was saying. Wrong word. I immediately regretted it. One word you never use to describe a woman, if you want to live another day. The look on her face cannot be described. She bought it anyway. She later stiffed me for $2000. Oh, well, live and learn. So I guess that's -2000 points for me.
There actually is a worse response possible than the usual response, as I once found out.
Sixteen years ago, I accompanied a good customer of mine (as a carpenter) on some errands. She was a little overweight and tried on this dress and asked, "How do I look?" I thought it didn't look good. You know how some cows have large black areas on a white background? Her dress had large black areas on a white background, and all I could think to say was "It makes you look like a cow," not realizing what I was saying. Wrong word. I immediately regretted it. One word you never use to describe a woman, if you want to live another day. The look on her face cannot be described. She bought it anyway. She later stiffed me for $2000. Oh, well, live and learn. So I guess that's -2000 points for me.
Aug 10, 2017 12:21:44 #
BassmanBruce wrote:
Most of them were good...................+2
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
Some of them were dang good..........+10
I showed it to my wife......................-100
Aug 10, 2017 13:51:38 #
hankm1
Loc: Mount Prospect IL
Leaving the toilet seat up is -500 in my house.
So is flushing the toilet while better half is in the shower!
So is flushing the toilet while better half is in the shower!
Aug 10, 2017 19:18:17 #
Aug 10, 2017 20:13:11 #
do these levies make my butt stick out?
yes..........-30
Does it look like i have gained weight?
(pause 2 seconds) Naaaaaa.... -40
But still married after 53 years, .....+1000
And what is the secret, I have the last word in our house......"Yes Dear."
Loved the point system...
Rich...
yes..........-30
Does it look like i have gained weight?
(pause 2 seconds) Naaaaaa.... -40
But still married after 53 years, .....+1000
And what is the secret, I have the last word in our house......"Yes Dear."
Loved the point system...
Rich...
Aug 10, 2017 20:57:37 #
Rich2236 wrote:
And what is the secret, I have the last word in our house......"Yes Dear"
Rich...
And what is the secret, I have the last word in our house......"Yes Dear"
Rich...
You Sir, are a genious!
Aug 10, 2017 23:18:50 #
quagmire
Loc: Greenwood,South Carolina
After an argument my wife comes begging to me (get out from under that bed)
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