What are the best one line insults and put downs? What are the best one line insults and put downs? Some of my favorites... - I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard...

madcapmagishion

What are the best one line insults and put downs?

Some of my favorites...

- I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronounce.
- I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Is that your face or did your neck just puke?
- Nice hairdo, when's it being finished?
- You are about as deep as your reflection in a mirror.
- You're so fat that your husband rolled over after sex, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you
- Has your career got the night off?
- You're riding the crest of a slump?
- When your IQ gets to 50 you should sell
- You should not be allowed to breed
- You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
- Your so dense, light must bend around you
- You smell nice, did you run here?
- And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth
- I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant

Any other classic put downs?

gym Loc: Athens, Georgia

Woman's response to a pushy guy asking for a date:
"Sorry. I only date within my own species."

madcapmagishion

LOL! I overheard/saw a woman say that to an obnoxious guy at a Gästehaus in Germany one night. I almost fell off my stool when I heard it.

donrent Loc: Punta Gorda , Fl

Oh, what a hair-do.... Wonder who her landscaper is ???

MWAC Loc: Somewhere East Of Crazy

Not a one liner but I once told a pushy/full of him self young man this who insisted I give him my phone number (way before I was married):

SoB: Give me your number!
Me: It's in the book. (phone book, do you recall those, lol).
SoB: Well I'll need your name!!!
Me: It's in the book as well.

I left.

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

There you go again. You never cease to amaze me...you always have the best lines to say. I really enjoy reading your comments. I would have loved to have been sitting next to you when you told that "SoB" your line.....LOL

MWAC wrote:

Not a one liner but I once told a pushy/full of him self young man this who insisted I give him my phone number (way before I was married):

SoB: Give me your number!
Me: It's in the book. (phone book, do you recall those, lol).
SoB: Well I'll need your name!!!
Me: It's in the book as well.

I left.

photo guy Loc: Chippewa Falls, WI

MWAC wrote:

Not a one liner but I once told a pushy/full of him self young man this who insisted I give him my phone number (way before I was married):

SoB: Give me your number!
Me: It's in the book. (phone book, do you recall those, lol).
SoB: Well I'll need your name!!!
Me: It's in the book as well.

I left.

Now that's a good one! :thumbup:

micro Loc: Texas

MWAC wrote:

Not a one liner but I once told a pushy/full of him self young man this who insisted I give him my phone number (way before I was married):

SoB: Give me your number!
Me: It's in the book. (phone book, do you recall those, lol).
SoB: Well I'll need your name!!!
Me: It's in the book as well.

I left.

I can't believe that was you! :oops:

Philipschmitten Loc: Texas

Is that your face or did your neck throw up?

viscountdriver Loc: East Kent UK

Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill in the House of Commons,'You're drunk.'
Winston replied,' You're ugly but I'll be sober in the morning'.

R'laine Loc: Bay of Plenty, New Zealand.

Nice perfume, must you marinate in it.
Her driveway doesn't go all the way to the road.
He's got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
He's a gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
She's got a photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
She's a prime candidate for natural deselection.
He's as bright as Alaska in December.
One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
He donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
300 million sperm and YOU were fastest?

Bunko.T Loc: Western Australia.

madcapmagishion wrote:

What are the best one line insults and put downs? ... (show quote)

He/She/They came from the shallow end of the Gene Pool. Duh!!!
Or there was too much Chlorine in the Gene pool.

johnr9999 Loc: Carlton, OR

Also not a one liner, and I'm sorry I can't remember who said it (British), but when asked if he expected to die on the gallows or a by a venereal disease, he replied, "That depends on whether I embrace your politics or your mistress."

R'laine Loc: Bay of Plenty, New Zealand.

johnr9999 wrote:

Also not a one liner, and I'm sorry I can't remember who said it (British), but when asked if he expected to die on the gallows or a by a venereal disease, he replied, "That depends on whether I embrace your politics or your mistress."

Uncle Google says it was Disraeli, but whoever it was, brilliant retort!

R'laine Loc: Bay of Plenty, New Zealand.

If you stand close enough to them, you can hear the ocean.

There is no vaccine against stupidity.

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

S/he's not stupid; s/he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
They're the kind of a person that you could use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

If you were my dog, I'd shave your butt and teach you to walk backwards.

You've got an IQ of 2. Pity it takes 3 to grunt.