Story of A Tattoo (maybe a joke, maybe true ????? :-0)
Mar 3, 2017 16:50:25 #
Sent to me by one of my buddies out west. Supposed to be true, if it is, tis a bit hard to believe. Checked it on Snopes but could not find anything to say it taint so. It was shown as coming from a Newspaper in Yorkshire, England. (Only the english could do something like this)
LittleRed (Ron)
Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital
A row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the Ink It Good Tattoo Emporium on Wellgate last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
“It was a big job in more ways than one.” he told us “I’d just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It’s delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.”
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
“To be honest”, said Jason, “I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I’d have been none the wiser.”
Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
“I’m furious” said Jason, “I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow’s not there any more. I don’t know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind’s more like it. You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.”
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant;
“I’m still in agony,” she said, “and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have had a fag on the go and there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me on all fours for nearly an hour I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning and I’d have done the same for Jason, but I didn’t get chance – it just crept out.”
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn’t surprised when we told him what had happened “People just don’t appreciate the dangers.“ he told us, “We get called out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’ Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future.”
LittleRed (Ron)
Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital
A row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the Ink It Good Tattoo Emporium on Wellgate last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
“It was a big job in more ways than one.” he told us “I’d just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It’s delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.”
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
“To be honest”, said Jason, “I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I’d have been none the wiser.”
Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
“I’m furious” said Jason, “I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow’s not there any more. I don’t know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind’s more like it. You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.”
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant;
“I’m still in agony,” she said, “and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have had a fag on the go and there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me on all fours for nearly an hour I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning and I’d have done the same for Jason, but I didn’t get chance – it just crept out.”
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn’t surprised when we told him what had happened “People just don’t appreciate the dangers.“ he told us, “We get called out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’ Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future.”
Mar 3, 2017 18:09:56 #
Chemical composition
http://chemistry.about.com/od/medicalhealth/f/What-Is-The-Chemical-Composition-Of-Farts.htm
http://chemistry.about.com/od/medicalhealth/f/What-Is-The-Chemical-Composition-Of-Farts.htm
Mar 4, 2017 06:38:48 #
Canonuser
Loc: UK and South Africa
The original seemed to have first appeared the the Hull Daily Mail, rather than Rochdale. This makes the story even more amusing as Hull has been voted this years 'City of Culture.'
Mar 4, 2017 07:11:19 #
Mar 4, 2017 07:16:20 #
LittleRed wrote:
Sent to me by one of my buddies out west. Supposed... (show quote)
Unbelievable! Igniting farts can be dangerous
Sorry, can't get web page to work!
Mar 4, 2017 07:20:30 #
Mar 4, 2017 08:10:31 #
peterg
Loc: Santa Rosa, CA
"You can't believe everything you read on the Internet" - Abe Lincoln 1868
Mar 4, 2017 08:57:28 #
Mar 4, 2017 10:41:15 #
It may very well be true. When I was a college freshman at a well-known technological institution, my roommate, who was otherwise a very intelligent person, wondered whether farts will burn. I told him the answer is yes, because they are mostly methane, which is flammable. He proposed an experiment....ate some beans, waited a while, bent over, and held a cigarette lighter. When he let 'er rip, there was a flame about a foot long. Then, he screamed in pain, because he had burned his skin. I took him to the infirmary, where the doctor, said that this was a common issue with college freshman. The doctor proceeded to explain what happened....when the flow of gas subsides, there is a back flow into the orifice, which in this case pulled the flame back and burned him.
Mar 4, 2017 10:41:50 #
Hey, let us see some pictures. I can't wait to actually see what happened instead of just reading about it.
Mar 4, 2017 12:44:24 #
Love it, but I got to say this looks like something that you would find in The Onion.
Mar 5, 2017 17:16:10 #
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