Red Skelton's recipe for the perfect marriage
Feb 20, 2017 11:51:34 #
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
Little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere,
But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
Toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
To sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
Because there was water in the carburettor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
For the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
First name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,
"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
Little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere,
But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
Toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
To sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
Because there was water in the carburettor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
For the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
First name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humour didn't have to start with a four letter word.
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,
"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
Feb 20, 2017 12:17:47 #
bcheary wrote:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ha... (show quote)
He was a classic along with Bob Hope.
Feb 20, 2017 13:56:08 #
Feb 20, 2017 16:52:29 #
Feb 20, 2017 17:18:21 #
Ah, those were the good old days when comedians, both M & F, didn't rely on smutty humor, but were very witty. Thanks.
Feb 20, 2017 17:47:41 #
Feb 20, 2017 17:48:51 #
Feb 20, 2017 17:49:37 #
Sirius_one wrote:
Ah, those were the good old days when comedians, both M & F, didn't rely on smutty humor, but were very witty. Thanks.
My pleasure Sirius. You are right about the good old days.
Feb 21, 2017 07:07:34 #
richosob
Loc: Lambertville, MI
bcheary wrote:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, ha... (show quote)
Red was the best, could have you on the floor laughing for half an hour and never cursed once.
Rich
Feb 21, 2017 07:37:47 #
Feb 21, 2017 12:10:00 #
Feb 21, 2017 12:12:56 #
richosob wrote:
Red was the best, could have you on the floor laughing for half an hour and never cursed once.
Rich
Rich
Feb 21, 2017 12:13:15 #
philden wrote:
Reading this sure put a simple on my face. I enjoyed every line.
Feb 21, 2017 12:13:54 #
ecblackiii wrote:
These sound more like Rodney Dangerfield jokes than Red Skelton quotes.
Who do you think Rodney got his lines from?Feb 21, 2017 14:39:26 #
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