The War Begins
Jul 23, 2016 08:07:08 #
Many UHH folks have asked me about the intriguing snippet that the Dark Lady dropped during our dinner together, about her being responsible for starting the American Civil War. During a most delightful follow-up lunch with the Dark Lady of Swallows (shown here in one of Matthew Brady's early photos), she related the events leading up to beginning of the War Between the States. The tale she told was both fascinating and dreadful, and I'll reprise it here, as best I can remember it.
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The young Dark Lady was the toast of Washington. She quickly drew the admiring eyes of the politicians of the time, including those of an ex-military man and senator from Mississippi, one Jefferson F. Davis. Davis, altho married, was smitten, and was seen in attendance with her at the 1860 Washington Summer Olympics. The Groucho glasses the couple wore to disguise themselves fooled no one, least of all the Press, and word of their romance began to spread.
But the arrival in early 1861 of a lawyer from Springfield, Illinois, newly elected to high office, put an end to the affair. Varina Davis (in an email that--according to the FBI--was later illegally deleted by the Secretary of State) complained to Mary Todd Lincoln about her husband's straying, and Mrs Lincoln immediately told the newly-elected President to put a stop to it, or 'face the wrath of the entire God-fearing population of the North.'
Lincoln, sick of listening to Mary's incessant yammering on the subject and not wanting to upset the rest of the God-fearing North, (and being honest, Abe admired and had designs on the beautiful and exotic young witch himself), told Davis in no uncertain terms to put an end to the dalliance. Davis refused, and fled south to Charleston with the Dark Lady. Lincoln immediately alerted the FBI, who issued an APB on the couple. Davis eluded capture by becoming President of the Confederacy, but the Dark Lady herself was apprehended and handed over to a Major Anderson at Fort Sumter, in Charleston Harbor, to be shipped back to Washington and Lincoln.
Davis threatened war. In one of his first orders as President, presuming she was still being held in the Fort, he sent a Fax (on this occasion, Private Tobias M. Fax, 1st Virginia Artillery Regiment) to Governor Pickens of South Carolina and had him instruct Brigadier General PGT Beauregard to demand the Dark Lady's release, unaware she had already been returned to Washington on a Federal gunboat under cover of darkness.
Beauregard, receiving Anderson's now-famous 'Nobody here by that name' reply to his demands for her surrender, ordered his troops to open fire on the Fort, and thus began the Civil War.
As an interesting side note, a lowly second lieutenant inside Fort Sumter was given the privilege of firing the first shot in the fort's defense. The shot missed its target high and outside, and was ruled a ball by the gunnery umpire, for which he was loudly booed by the troops in the stands, who roundly swore it was a strike. The battery lieutenant's name was Abner Doubleday. For his poor shooting, he found himself stationed in Guam, with nothing to do. To exact his revenge, he invented baseball, thereby inflicting his own boredom on millions of Americans down to this very day.
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The young Dark Lady was the toast of Washington. She quickly drew the admiring eyes of the politicians of the time, including those of an ex-military man and senator from Mississippi, one Jefferson F. Davis. Davis, altho married, was smitten, and was seen in attendance with her at the 1860 Washington Summer Olympics. The Groucho glasses the couple wore to disguise themselves fooled no one, least of all the Press, and word of their romance began to spread.
But the arrival in early 1861 of a lawyer from Springfield, Illinois, newly elected to high office, put an end to the affair. Varina Davis (in an email that--according to the FBI--was later illegally deleted by the Secretary of State) complained to Mary Todd Lincoln about her husband's straying, and Mrs Lincoln immediately told the newly-elected President to put a stop to it, or 'face the wrath of the entire God-fearing population of the North.'
Lincoln, sick of listening to Mary's incessant yammering on the subject and not wanting to upset the rest of the God-fearing North, (and being honest, Abe admired and had designs on the beautiful and exotic young witch himself), told Davis in no uncertain terms to put an end to the dalliance. Davis refused, and fled south to Charleston with the Dark Lady. Lincoln immediately alerted the FBI, who issued an APB on the couple. Davis eluded capture by becoming President of the Confederacy, but the Dark Lady herself was apprehended and handed over to a Major Anderson at Fort Sumter, in Charleston Harbor, to be shipped back to Washington and Lincoln.
Davis threatened war. In one of his first orders as President, presuming she was still being held in the Fort, he sent a Fax (on this occasion, Private Tobias M. Fax, 1st Virginia Artillery Regiment) to Governor Pickens of South Carolina and had him instruct Brigadier General PGT Beauregard to demand the Dark Lady's release, unaware she had already been returned to Washington on a Federal gunboat under cover of darkness.
Beauregard, receiving Anderson's now-famous 'Nobody here by that name' reply to his demands for her surrender, ordered his troops to open fire on the Fort, and thus began the Civil War.
As an interesting side note, a lowly second lieutenant inside Fort Sumter was given the privilege of firing the first shot in the fort's defense. The shot missed its target high and outside, and was ruled a ball by the gunnery umpire, for which he was loudly booed by the troops in the stands, who roundly swore it was a strike. The battery lieutenant's name was Abner Doubleday. For his poor shooting, he found himself stationed in Guam, with nothing to do. To exact his revenge, he invented baseball, thereby inflicting his own boredom on millions of Americans down to this very day.
Jul 23, 2016 08:09:53 #
Jul 23, 2016 08:37:00 #
grillmaster5062 wrote:
Very creative story and great work on the image as well.
Thanks, grillmaster5062. Glad you enjoyed this one, part of our continuing tales of the Ministry of Mayhem. Just a bit of fun to lighten things here. Thanks for your kind comments and visit, they're very much appreciated!
Jul 23, 2016 08:44:55 #
Nicely done as usual, Randy. Her dark beauty radiates from the image as your saga continues forward.
Jul 23, 2016 08:47:10 #
Jul 23, 2016 09:58:56 #
John Lawrence wrote:
Nicely done as usual, Randy. Her dark beauty radiates from the image as your saga continues forward.
Thank you, John. A very pretty lady, even in this rendering from the early days of photography. ; )
Hope you enjoyed the story as well, and thanks as always for your kind comments and visit. They're always much appreciated!
Jul 23, 2016 10:00:49 #
dochal wrote:
Very funny!
Thank you, dochal. Hope it brought a smile and a laugh, and thanks for your visit and taking time to leave a comment. It's much appreciated!
Jul 23, 2016 11:32:24 #
It's nice to finally get the rest of the story. Wish I had known this all those years ago when I was answering essay questions on history exams.
If you can find a copy, you might enjoy reading the great historical (or did I mean hysterical?) novel "Jubilation Gap." It's now out of print which is surprising since it covers a segment of little-known Midwest history and is quite a captivating read. You might be interested in the section about turnip farming and how lucrative turnips can be when processed into vodka. If that doesn't peak your curiosity, the odd assortment of characters will. You'll find it's hard to keep from laughing out loud, and anyone in the vicinity will want to know what you're reading.
If you can find a copy, you might enjoy reading the great historical (or did I mean hysterical?) novel "Jubilation Gap." It's now out of print which is surprising since it covers a segment of little-known Midwest history and is quite a captivating read. You might be interested in the section about turnip farming and how lucrative turnips can be when processed into vodka. If that doesn't peak your curiosity, the odd assortment of characters will. You'll find it's hard to keep from laughing out loud, and anyone in the vicinity will want to know what you're reading.
Jul 23, 2016 11:55:43 #
I knew that all this history I had to learn in school and various Living History or weekend battle/drinking fests could not be hysterically, I mean historically, correct. Thanks for finally bringing all the true facts to light. Now I will be glad to be able to set my compatriots strait on what really happened. There is so much confusion among the old boys who will tell stories for beer around the campfire. The more beer you have the longer and better my stories get.
Jul 23, 2016 12:55:13 #
It just shows how secretive our politicians are Randy, who would have thought that they had the technology to send emails and faxes in those days 
Excellent story Randy and a beautiful portrait of The Dark lady. 
Excellent story Randy and a beautiful portrait of The Dark lady. Jul 23, 2016 13:50:59 #
vicksart wrote:
It's nice to finally get the rest of the story. Wi... (show quote)
Thanks, Vicki. Historians sometimes just don't know all the facts before writing their summaries. After a thorough researching of U.S. Government military records of the time, I've discovered that by an odd coincidence, every soldier present during the time the Dark Lady was held at Fort Sumter was later either killed in action or, by Executive Order, transferred to Guam, along with Doubleday. Most never returned home. The few that did were later found to have mysteriously been turned into frogs. Except Doubleday, who made a fortune selling peanuts and Crackerjack franchises at baseball games.
Neither Lincoln nor Davis mention the Dark Lady in their memoirs. Davis, who was also not turned into a frog, reconciled with his wife Varina, and swore to her never to mention the Dark Lady's name again. Lincoln, of course, did not survive to write his memoirs, but in the top left hand drawer of his desk in the Oval Office was found an unfinished manuscript of magnificent love poems dedicated to her. Sources say (well, the Dark Lady told me) that upon finding and reading the manuscript, Mary Todd Lincoln went into a deep depression from which she never recovered, and may even have been the cause of her insanity (she reportedly thought she'd been turned into a frog) in her later years.
Lincoln's manuscript of poetry disappeared, and was never seen again. Although just a few nights ago, I did happen to catch the Dark Lady reading a leather-bound hand-written journal of some sort, smiling, but with tears in her eyes.
; )
Thanks for the kind words and your visit, Vicki. I'm always grateful for them, and I'll look to see if I can find the book you mentioned. Sounds like it's right up my alley, lol.
Jul 23, 2016 15:29:58 #
Ol' Frank wrote:
I knew that all this history I had to learn in school and various Living History or weekend battle/drinking fests could not be hysterically, I mean historically, correct. Thanks for finally bringing all the true facts to light. Now I will be glad to be able to set my compatriots strait on what really happened. There is so much confusion among the old boys who will tell stories for beer around the campfire. The more beer you have the longer and better my stories get.
Lol, thanks, Frank. We never get all the facts, do we? Just the dusty old dry stuff, where the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Except no one's ever innocent, lol. But I'm pleased to be able to enlighten you and everyone here on UHH as to the truth of what happened at Fort Sumter that April day in 1861, as I got it from someone who was there, and can testify to what really happened. ; )
I did find it interesting that in the bombardment of Fort Sumter, in the opening battle of the Civil War, the bloodiest conflict ever to be fought on American soil (at least to date; history ain't over yet) not one single casualty occurred. No one died, no one was injured on either side (at least until after the surrender, when a sort of 'friendly fire' accident occurred, killing two Federal troopers).
Thanks for the laugh and your visit, I truly appreciate it!
Jul 23, 2016 15:35:10 #
angler wrote:
It just shows how secretive our politicians are Ra... (show quote)
Thanks, Angler. Fashions change, politicians and human natures don't, lol. Amazing all the stuff we don't know about important events in our history. We only learn what 'they' want us to learn. Never the good stuff. ; )
Glad you enjoyed the story, a couple of good images and laughs in there, and thanks for your kind comments on "Matthew Brady's" portrait. Probably should have done it in black and white, but Brady was a colorful sort, so...
Always appreciate your visits, a highlight!
Jul 23, 2016 15:36:26 #
Cool shot, Randy! I got a good chuckle from the baseball part of your story. I only started watching MLB about 8 years ago and now love it
Jul 23, 2016 17:05:57 #
Matthew Brady takes a good photo Randy. 
Pleased you enjoyed a lunch and could fill us in with the details which make very interesting reading. It comes as no surprise that many males we're besotted with the beautiful Dark Lady.
Regarding your last sentence, so funny but one of our sons and Bob have travelled to the States to watch Baseball games and would have certainly bought Mr Doubleday a drink or two and got along with him very well!! I agree with the boredom. Another excellent portrait.
Pleased you enjoyed a lunch and could fill us in with the details which make very interesting reading. It comes as no surprise that many males we're besotted with the beautiful Dark Lady.Regarding your last sentence, so funny but one of our sons and Bob have travelled to the States to watch Baseball games and would have certainly bought Mr Doubleday a drink or two and got along with him very well!! I agree with the boredom. Another excellent portrait.
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