Pensioners reply.
Jun 11, 2016 19:22:03 #
Subject:Pensioner's reply re Coles
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local Coles
store buying a large bag of Chum dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Chum Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Chum nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Coles. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local Coles
store buying a large bag of Chum dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Chum Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Chum nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Coles. Better watch what you
ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of
daft things to say.
Jun 11, 2016 23:34:56 #
Jun 12, 2016 03:14:49 #
Jun 12, 2016 07:25:51 #
silver-rail
Loc: harrisburg, pa
very good I enjoyed that story. and yes I am retired ( or should I say tired)
Jun 12, 2016 09:35:14 #
Jun 12, 2016 10:12:45 #
Retired amazing what some people will believe if you are able to sell the story. I would have been like the guy laughing I would have laughed before finished. Good one.
Jun 12, 2016 10:20:50 #
Jun 12, 2016 10:28:15 #
She should have asked what breed of dog you have. She was probably as lonely as you appear to be and was looking for conversation. You are mean.
Jun 12, 2016 10:38:21 #
Jun 12, 2016 10:48:35 #
Jun 12, 2016 12:29:34 #
Jun 12, 2016 12:35:30 #
mullumby...Her stupid question deserved your hilarious response.
My wife bakes homemade cookies for Charlie, our golden retriever: Made of peanut butter, whole wheat flour, eggs and powdered whole milk. Always keep a small bag of these in the car and Charlie only "grudgingly" shares with me. Even though he gets to share our human food almost every day, Charlie apparently feels we humans have no right to his dog treats.
My wife bakes homemade cookies for Charlie, our golden retriever: Made of peanut butter, whole wheat flour, eggs and powdered whole milk. Always keep a small bag of these in the car and Charlie only "grudgingly" shares with me. Even though he gets to share our human food almost every day, Charlie apparently feels we humans have no right to his dog treats.
Jun 12, 2016 13:33:06 #
mdfenton wrote:
She should have asked what breed of dog you have. She was probably as lonely as you appear to be and was looking for conversation. You are mean.
Are you serious? Apparently you have no sense of humor and are extremely thin skinned. It was funny.
Jun 12, 2016 13:48:46 #
Jun 12, 2016 14:22:25 #
Here is another way the be banned from a store.
------------------------------------------------------
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said,
"We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,
"Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied,
"No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied,
"The first week was not too bad.
The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and she dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up,
I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You do understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," said the pastor.
"Yes, We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
------------------------------------------------------
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said,
"We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked,
"Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The old man replied,
"No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied,
"The first week was not too bad.
The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.
"What Happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and she dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up,
I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You do understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," said the pastor.
"Yes, We know." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
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