Global Recession
Feb 16, 2016 07:54:12 #
THE GLOBAL RECESSION
The recession has hit everybody really hard.
My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
The recession has hit everybody really hard.
My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Feb 16, 2016 07:59:57 #
Feb 16, 2016 08:08:41 #
Feb 17, 2016 12:19:56 #
That can't be! According to Sheila Jackson Lee:
"The Recovery Act ended the Great Recession, transformed the economy from one hemorrhaging jobs to one that has created more than 16 million new jobs over a record 71 consecutive months. The national unemployment rate has dipped under 5 percent for the first time since President Clinton left office, the deficit has been cut by 71 percent and the Dow Jones stock market index topped 18,000 in 2015, an increase of 177 percent over where it stood the day President Obama took office. And the average price of gasoline has been reduced from more than $4.11 per gallon to $1.80, the lowest price since before the tragedy of September 11. The seven years of Obama also effected policy change in the areas of criminal justice reform, health and education, national security and foreign affairs.
We must be grateful!!!
"The Recovery Act ended the Great Recession, transformed the economy from one hemorrhaging jobs to one that has created more than 16 million new jobs over a record 71 consecutive months. The national unemployment rate has dipped under 5 percent for the first time since President Clinton left office, the deficit has been cut by 71 percent and the Dow Jones stock market index topped 18,000 in 2015, an increase of 177 percent over where it stood the day President Obama took office. And the average price of gasoline has been reduced from more than $4.11 per gallon to $1.80, the lowest price since before the tragedy of September 11. The seven years of Obama also effected policy change in the areas of criminal justice reform, health and education, national security and foreign affairs.
We must be grateful!!!
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