lawyers..joke.
Jan 18, 2016 13:19:02 #
Q: What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What is the Lawyers' creed?
A: A man is innocent until proven brok
A: A tick falls off you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake on the road and a dead lawyer on the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What is the Lawyers' creed?
A: A man is innocent until proven brok
Jan 18, 2016 13:37:23 #
Q: What do you do when you see a lawyer drowning?
A: Send a certified letter, return receipt requested, to 911
A: Send a certified letter, return receipt requested, to 911
Jan 18, 2016 13:45:54 #
Thank you. very good.
I knew half of them and the other half are now in my Lawyer Jokes Folder.
To compensate...Here you go:
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Lawyer (surprise) are drifting afloat in a life boat. Early the third day, they see land.... but the bad news is the breeze is blowing away from the beach.
The lawyer says, "Hey, one of us is going to have to swim to that land if we are going to get out of this alive".
The Priest says, "I would, but I can't swim, and my flock would surely miss me!"
The Rabbi says, " I would but these are quite obviously shark infested waters and I would be killed almost immediately!" as he eyes the fins circling.
The Lawyer says, "OK, I get it, I'll go!" and tying a line around his waist he dives into the ocean.
The Rabbi says, "Oh No, we're doomed, the sharks are upon him....... but wait, they are lining up and swimming alongside him!"
The Priest invokes, "Oh Lord in Heaven, thank thee for the concept of Professional Courtesy!?
I knew half of them and the other half are now in my Lawyer Jokes Folder.
To compensate...Here you go:
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Lawyer (surprise) are drifting afloat in a life boat. Early the third day, they see land.... but the bad news is the breeze is blowing away from the beach.
The lawyer says, "Hey, one of us is going to have to swim to that land if we are going to get out of this alive".
The Priest says, "I would, but I can't swim, and my flock would surely miss me!"
The Rabbi says, " I would but these are quite obviously shark infested waters and I would be killed almost immediately!" as he eyes the fins circling.
The Lawyer says, "OK, I get it, I'll go!" and tying a line around his waist he dives into the ocean.
The Rabbi says, "Oh No, we're doomed, the sharks are upon him....... but wait, they are lining up and swimming alongside him!"
The Priest invokes, "Oh Lord in Heaven, thank thee for the concept of Professional Courtesy!?
Jan 18, 2016 13:48:27 #
Doddy wrote:
Not bad, Doddy! The black-and-brown joke is ancient, though. I got the impression the British didn't use the term "lawyer." Rather, I thought it was "barrister" or something like that. Forgive me, but I must wonder whether your source for this batch was American, or similarly, another British person or organisation that got it from an American or an American organization, hmm?Doddy's 1st series of Lawyer Jokes
Jan 18, 2016 16:47:34 #
Solicitor is the term lev, although there are differences in what they and Lawyers do. The "source" is my Brother in law through an e-mail.
Jan 18, 2016 16:49:44 #
Jan 18, 2016 17:00:13 #
Doddy wrote:
SO? Is your Cuñado or Beau-frére living in the UK or US?Solicitor is the term lev, although there are differences in what they and Lawyers do. The "source" is my Brother in law through an e-mail.
Jan 18, 2016 17:11:24 #
lev29 wrote:
SO? Is your Cuñado or Beau-frére living in the UK or US?
Well lev, when I visited him and his wife on Friday, they were living about half a mile away. But he is a bit of a devious chap, so he could have slipped away to the States over the weekend and not let on..lol.
Jan 18, 2016 17:16:13 #
Doddy wrote:
No kidding? What a coincidence! Well, next time you see him, ask him what his source was, please.Well lev, when I visited him and his wife on Friday, they were living about half a mile away ...
Jan 18, 2016 17:58:49 #
Jan 19, 2016 05:53:30 #
It seems to me that even these excellent satires fall short of the target. Perhaps I am a little naive, but many modern lawyers, but especially 'ambulance chasers', seem to have only one moral imperative -'What is the maximum amount of money that I can personally make out of this misfortune?'.
Jan 19, 2016 07:49:34 #
fhuhman
Loc: Jefferson City, MO
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Just one if you run him thru real slow.
Jan 19, 2016 08:03:21 #
Gentleman, I believe William Shakespeare had the correct idea about lawyers. In Henry VI, Pt.2, Dick says," The first thing we do, let's kill all of the lawyers".
Jan 19, 2016 08:10:38 #
nospambob
Loc: Edmond, Oklahoma
See, the thing about lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny
and lay people don't think they're jokes.
and lay people don't think they're jokes.
Jan 19, 2016 08:57:19 #
Doddy wrote:
Solicitor is the term lev, although there are differences in what they and Lawyers do. The "source" is my Brother in law through an e-mail.
Generally speaking, a solicitor is a lawyer, and a barrister goes to court.
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