Terrymac Loc: LONDON U.K.

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen
whores than let liquor touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"


-------------


Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"


-------------

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off.
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts
"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

--------oOo- ---------

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says
"I wonder how the girls are getting on".
--------oOo- -----------

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"
--------oOo----------

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service
for not servicing the electric chair..
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
--------oOo----------

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was
found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said
"I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
--------oOo----------

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours'
dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks
"What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden.
Let's see how they like it!"

------------oOo- ---------

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"


-------------

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London !"






An Irish Family Tradition

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had
all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub
on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick,
took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the
boat ...and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk
'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather
were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were
born in August, ya idgit.

Doddy Loc: Barnard Castle-England

Very Funny Terry...cheers.

lev29 Loc: Born and living in MA.

Terrymac,

Perhaps these Paddy jokes would be considered "recycled" in the U.K. ... but they're not on this side of the pond. Thanks for sharing! 👍🏻✌🏼️😀😎

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

Very good!

Terrymac Loc: LONDON U.K.

You're all very welcome.

SteveR Loc: Michigan

I had to share some of these with my fb friends, as I have other Paddy jokes. They're just plain funny.

Big Stopper Loc: London

Cheers Terry :thumbup:

amwalker3 Loc: London UK.

Ever thought how you might feel about a post like this if you were Irish?

Alan.

bernie001

When I grew up in a polyglot neighborhood in Chicago, the people who told the best Irish jokes were Irish. The people who told the best Jewish jokes were Jewish. And so on. How have we come to this hyper-sensitivity?

Terrymac Loc: LONDON U.K.

If you look at my name I am Irish. I think there is a lot more important things in the world to worry about. Obviously you don't. Sad.

amwalker3 Loc: London UK.

Well, the Irish people I know here, on this side of the pond, have rightful pride in their fine culture, enough to put aside their historic greivances against how we Brits treated them. If they want to tell those jokes - and I know many of them don't - okay. But it leaves a bad taste in my mouth - and would even if the jokes were funny or clever.

Ditto the Jews.

Shouldn't we all grow up a bit?

Failing that - keep taking photos - and criticising them.

Pip Pip,

Alan.

lev29 Loc: Born and living in MA.

Good question. I believe that one may (not just "can",) tell jokes of another ethnic group, nationality, or race, but the teller should already have a keen sensitivity as to the demographics of his direct and indirect (i.e. those to whom the joke is passed on to, including the demographics of the joke teller,) audience.

When I was growing up, my three favorite comedians whose LP's I bought, were (in no particular order,) Bill Cosby, George Carlin, & Flip Wilson. Flip had a joke I loved, and at the time I retold it, the audience was very small and closed off from gossip, etc. I don't believe that anyone I told the joke to back then would think I was knowingly being racist. But I believe now that I couldn't even retell it in the Chit Chat or attic.

The joke has to do with an intercity train conductor of indeterminate race talking to a woman (who might be black) with an "ugly" baby. Ultimately, the punchline refers to the baby as being a monkey. I don't know about the rest of the world, but in the U.S., I've observed that the public use of any term for an ape in a mocking fashion has the connotation of being aimed at black people.

Howard Cosell, a famous American Sports announcer (& Jewish, by the way,) was commenting on a 'live' national TV broadcast about a Pro football play in which the running back, who, in my opinion, just happened to be black, was deftly running a football down a playing field. Cosell exclaimed in admiration, "Look at the monkey go!"

Cosell was castigated and immediately fired for that! His credible claim that he used the term "monkey" as he did in reference to his rambunctious grandchildren went ignored.

I pose the above as an example of potential hypersensitivity by some black American people, but I have no idea if any expressed outrage at the time. Was Cosell's firing due to such outrage, or was it a product of Political Correctness?

So what's my point? Only that which I made above in the very first paragraph.

amwalker3 Loc: London UK.

Interesting thoughts.

So lets have some Islamic jokes.

You go first.

Alan.

lev29 Loc: Born and living in MA.

Ha-Ha, Alan. I have an elderly British cousin who was qvetching 5+ years ago to me about Islamic Shariah laws and how they appeared to be affecting your homeland. It's also not PC for one to post such jokes publicly. But if you need such amusement, I suggest you go to the Topic posted on Sept 5th, 2015, in the attic, titled Jeff Foxworthy, you may be a Muslim -

I recommend that you not only read the jokes, some of which were amusing, but also review the remainder of the thread. My post in that thread got some reactions; I was accused of being a Bolshevik. Funny, that's not how my three Russian-born Jewish grandparents saw things. A non-Hog friend of mine checked out snopes.com and determined that Jeff Foxworthy had nothing to do with these jokes. I googled the title and 4+ websites with it, one of which was an American anti-Muslim Hate Group, another of which I bet was the unacknowledged site from which the Hog member "lifted" the whole joke verbatim!

I found the posts made by everyone there save myself and one Canadian individual quite telling.

raymondh Loc: Walker, MI

:D