Comments about bagpipes
Dec 12, 2015 14:56:32 #
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
any of the ducks.
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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin
blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
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Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower.
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Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune
bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you
have been hallucinating.
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Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
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Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
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Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and
dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
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Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road
and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording
session.
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Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
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Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
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Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
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If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them
end to end -- it would be a good idea.
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Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
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Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
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Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
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Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his
car but mistakenly left the windows open, forgetting that he had left his
bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back to the car as soon as he realized it, but it was too
late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the
car!
A. Shoot one.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
-----------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
-----------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit
any of the ducks.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin
blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
-----------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower.
-----------------------------------------------------
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for
directions: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune
bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you
have been hallucinating.
-------------------------------------------------------
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
-------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
-------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and
dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road
and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording
session.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
----------------------------------------------------
Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
-----------------------------------------------------
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
-----------------------------------------------------
If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them
end to end -- it would be a good idea.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
------------------------------------------------------
Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
----------------------------------
Did you hear the one about the bagpiper who parked his
car but mistakenly left the windows open, forgetting that he had left his
bagpipes in the back seat?
He rushed back to the car as soon as he realized it, but it was too
late -- someone had already put another set of bagpipes in the
car!
Dec 13, 2015 08:51:39 #
Dec 13, 2015 09:49:15 #
These jokes are SO funny. And I, too, like the pipes. My fave is, What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road? Skid marks in front of the snake.
Dec 13, 2015 11:00:46 #
I like bagpipes too, but these were still funny. My favorite is the guy who left
his in the car.
his in the car.
Dec 13, 2015 12:10:41 #
ebbote wrote:
I like bagpipes too, but these were still funny. My favorite is the guy who left
his in the car.
his in the car.
Yes, that's a classic. I laughed out loud at that one. And how about the reason bagpipers walk while they play? To get away from the sound.
Dec 13, 2015 12:32:57 #
That was a good too.
MtnBabe wrote:
Yes, that's a classic. I laughed out loud at that one. And how about the reason bagpipers walk while they play? To get away from the sound.
Dec 13, 2015 12:47:49 #
We have an annual Scottish Festival here. It includes a parade full of pipe bands, some of which are world-renowned, pipers in the pubs, and nightly tattoos. The mountains resonate with the sounds of pipes and canon for a few days each September. It's a great event with Celtic music, and Dogs of The U.K., and highlands sporting events.
Dec 13, 2015 13:58:04 #
Jackel wrote:
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect ... (show quote)
Played by someone who knows how to play them, bagpipes produce beautiful music. Amazing Grace, one of the most beautiful songs, was written for the bagpipe.
Dec 13, 2015 14:00:39 #
Collie lover wrote:
Played by someone who knows how to play them, bagpipes produce beautiful music. Amazing Grace, one of the most beautiful songs, was written for the bagpipe.
Amen,
Dec 13, 2015 14:02:10 #
Dec 13, 2015 20:00:09 #
Collie lover wrote:
Spoken by a true Scotsman :)
With a couple of other Celts thrown in, for added effect.
Dec 14, 2015 16:18:01 #
Jackel wrote:
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect ... (show quote)
Oh my goodness I usually enjoy a broad sense of humour.....I did not even manage a grin.
I love the sound of the bagpipes and it warms my heart to watch the pipe bands in Scotland....However each to their own views
I am Scottish to the core and proud of it
Bkh42
Dec 14, 2015 16:18:59 #
Jackel wrote:
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect ... (show quote)
Oh my goodness I usually enjoy a broad sense of humour.....I did not even manage a grin.
I love the sound of the bagpipes and it warms my heart to watch the pipe bands in Scotland....However each to their own views
I am Scottish to the core and proud of it
Bkh42
Dec 15, 2015 17:01:16 #
I knew a guy who was an attorney and he picked up bagpipes as a hobby. Since he wasn't a good attorney anyway, his office was empty a lot of the day. He decided to play for most of the afternoon and sometimes into the early evening.
It was a strip building with drywall walls between the units and there were four units. At the end of the leases on the other three, all tenants had moved out, because he argued with them that he had the right to do anything in his unit that he wanted to.
I went to an insurance agent next door to the attorney's office once - not knowing the attorney was next door. He cranked up while I was there but he had no clue how to be in tune or stay in tune, he missed a lot of notes, and it was like steel spikes taped on his fingers scratching a chalk board combined with several geese being choked to death.
You either love them or you don't. When they are played well it's a great thing. When somebody thinks they play well but they don't, even dogs lay down and die from the agony.
It was a strip building with drywall walls between the units and there were four units. At the end of the leases on the other three, all tenants had moved out, because he argued with them that he had the right to do anything in his unit that he wanted to.
I went to an insurance agent next door to the attorney's office once - not knowing the attorney was next door. He cranked up while I was there but he had no clue how to be in tune or stay in tune, he missed a lot of notes, and it was like steel spikes taped on his fingers scratching a chalk board combined with several geese being choked to death.
You either love them or you don't. When they are played well it's a great thing. When somebody thinks they play well but they don't, even dogs lay down and die from the agony.
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