jsmangis Loc: Peoria, IL

I saw this online and recognized some people I know.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her shopping trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men,I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -she loves to browse.

Yesterday, my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs Woolf,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion In our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr Woolf, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Went to the Service desk and tried to reserve a bag of chips.

5. August 4: Moved a 'Caution - Wet Floor' sign to a carpeted area.

6. August 14: set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

7. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and screamed 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency Medics were called.

8. September 4: Looked right at the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose

9. September 10: While handling guns in the sports department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME, PICK ME!'

13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

14. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

15. October 25: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One if the Staff passed out.

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

:lol:

Doddy Loc: Barnard Castle-England

Brilliant..lol.

ralphc4176 Loc: Conyers, GA

Loved it!

tusketwedge Loc: Nova Scotia Canada

showed it to my wife.Laughed and said "Don't you dare" Don't know what she was insinuating , LIKE I would ever DARE to do this?????
Good one and made my day. HMMMM,couple of good ideas.

billybob40

Good one and made my day. Best in years, BIG THANKS

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

richard-sports Loc: New York City

Now that was funny.

rmalarz Loc: Tempe, Arizona

Those are brilliant. If only I could force myself to enter a Walmart. I can proudly say my shadow has never darkened a Walmart doorway.
--Bob

ebbote Loc: Hockley, Texas

All are very funny, thanks for the morning laugh.

burkphoto Loc: High Point, NC

My kids are drama majors at an arts school. They think this is fodder for improv, flash mob, and similar activities!

tmehrkam Loc: Houston,Tx

He sounds like the normal Walmart shopper.

Why are they singling him out. ;-}

RAK Loc: Concord Ca

OOOOYAAAA!

lateron Loc: Yorkshire, England

We don't have a "Walmart", - our nearest is ASDA, so we don't have an outlet for your humour. However, like most husbands, I deplore browsing the shops, preferring (like you), to get in and out!
Many thanks for your post.