02Nomad Loc: Catonsville, MD

'The Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone laugh.

Marionsho Loc: Kansas

Thanks, 02Nomad. That's a good one. I needed a good laugh.
Marion

GeorgeH Loc: Jonesboro, GA

Thanks for the post! Anyone who's a parent or who's talked with young kids will enjoy this!

Bobgood1 Loc: Indianapolis, IN

That is a happy story. Thanks for sharing. bb

02Nomad Loc: Catonsville, MD

Thank you all for looking!

jaymatt Loc: Alexandria, Indiana

:-D :-D :-D :-D :thumbup:

richard-sports Loc: New York City

Good one !

ebbote Loc: Hockley, Texas

Very good story Nomad, I really enjoyed it.

4ellen4 Loc: GTA--Ontario

thank you for the morning laugh

tbohon Loc: Olympia, WA USA

Great way to start my day - thanks for posting this one!

Tom

Shutter Bugger

My mother was a "middle" wife... the second of
my fathers 3 marriages.

I was keen to hear about the syndrome(?)
from another.

Thanks for posting though, I was surprised
and entertained by your story.

gmb3 Loc: Coastal CenCal

Absolutely wonderful story. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Art Linkletter said it, "Kids say the darnedest things". And you never ever know when they will.

RAK Loc: Concord Ca

The best comedy always comes from real life stories, and this is a perfect example! Thanks for sharing.