mullumby Loc: Australia

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS is the only major
airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the last one…
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

nicksr1125 Loc: Mesa, AZ

Hate to burst your bubble. UPS has had at least 1 fatal aviation accident in August 2013 when 1 of their planes crashed landing in Birmingham, AL. They still have a better safety record than all the other major airlines. Based on miles flown, they record is probably the best in the industry.

These jokes have been around for years originally attributed to military pilots. They're still very good.

ebbote Loc: Hockley, Texas

Good ones.

BigBear Loc: Northern CT

When I was in an Air Force repair hangar, a writeup on an F4 came in as 'Control stick stiff'. After some test were performed the remedy was 'Removed and Replaced Stick Actuator'.

The pilots didn't figure it out. They just kept flying it without any more complaints.

Indi Loc: L. I., NY, Palm Beach Cty when it's cold.

Very funny but I find it hard to believe they were real.

DaveO Loc: Northeast CT

With a little more work, the fun could be taken out of most jokes...

mullumby Loc: Australia

Thats why i posted them.

mullumby Loc: Australia

You got it in the first two words.

pixbyjnjphotos Loc: Apache Junction,AZ

I was an electronic tech on interceptors in the U.S. Air Force and worked Aircraft on the flightline for 6 years. I can relate to the above problems and solutions. However, the maintenance officer didn't take too kindly to smartars solutions written in the official aircraft forms.

usn ret Loc: SoCal High Desert

Slight fuel leak in wingfuel cell, told the XO it would quit leaking when it was empty. that did not go over very well, but the rest of the flight line crew thought it was funny.

mullumby Loc: Australia

Thats life son.

banjonut Loc: Southern Michigan

Now those were funny.

chienfou Loc: Valley Stream, NY

I agree! I remember a couple of them from my Air Force days. I still laugh about the IFF on OFF Mode and the " Evidence removed" ones.

SteveR Loc: Michigan

I got a good laugh out of these, Mullumby, but after reading the responses, it helps me understand why nobody gets along on UHH!!

lateron Loc: Yorkshire, England

I woudn't know about U.P.S., the jokes were in the RAF in 1978, (the year I left).