Understanding Engineers
Feb 6, 2015 02:15:47 #
steve2645
Loc: Washington
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
------------------------------------------
Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its
top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but
we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts,
and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure
from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one
feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are
currently serving in the United States Congress.
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what
you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The
clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so
we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational
area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
------------------------------------------
Two engineers???
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its
top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but
we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts,
and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure
from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one
feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are
currently serving in the United States Congress.
Feb 6, 2015 04:23:07 #
Feb 7, 2015 10:57:37 #
Feb 7, 2015 13:56:38 #
This is good. I worked in real estate for a while and it was common knowledge in the office that the worst client to get was an engineer! They always wanted to know if a house had been built with the "heavy duty" nails!
Feb 7, 2015 15:02:27 #
Feb 7, 2015 16:49:16 #
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Engineer: The glass is too big.
When I started college I couldn't even spel Ingenyr.
Now I are one!
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Engineer: The glass is too big.
When I started college I couldn't even spel Ingenyr.
Now I are one!
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.