I miss Rodney Dangerfield
Dec 11, 2014 11:43:36 #
Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield..........
Because he said ....
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said,
'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said,
'No, I hate myself now.'
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray "after" the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.
MY FAVORITE:
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Because he said ....
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said,
'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said,
'No, I hate myself now.'
I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray "after" the meal.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.
MY FAVORITE:
My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Dec 11, 2014 13:17:39 #
Truly one of the funniest people ever! He made you laugh just looking at him and his one liners just was icing on the cake. I feel sorry for anyone that never saw him.
Dec 11, 2014 13:40:38 #
Right on!!
Swede
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol:
Swede
tdklex wrote:
Truly one of the funniest people ever! He made you laugh just looking at him and his one liners just was icing on the cake. I feel sorry for anyone that never saw him.
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :lol: :lol:
Dec 11, 2014 14:39:31 #
One of my favorites is..."One night my house caught on fire, my Wife got out of bed and got the kids out of their room, as they were passing my bedroom, I heard her whisper to the kids...shh, quiet kids you'll wake up daddy."
Dec 11, 2014 14:39:43 #
Please let me add one of my favorites of his:
"Being bi-sexual isn't so bad; you get twice as many chances for a date Saturday night".
"Being bi-sexual isn't so bad; you get twice as many chances for a date Saturday night".
Dec 11, 2014 16:12:25 #
cjkorb wrote:
One of my favorites is..."One night my house caught on fire, my Wife got out of bed and got the kids out of their room, as they were passing my bedroom, I heard her whisper to the kids...shh, quiet kids you'll wake up daddy."
I need to find out if there is a book of Rodney's jokes!!!
Dec 11, 2014 16:12:53 #
Billbobboy42 wrote:
Please let me add one of my favorites of his:
"Being bi-sexual isn't so bad; you get twice as many chances for a date Saturday night".
"Being bi-sexual isn't so bad; you get twice as many chances for a date Saturday night".
LOL! I hope more folks can add to the list!
Dec 11, 2014 16:25:01 #
Dec 11, 2014 19:38:10 #
My daughter keeps flunking her drivers test.Every time she gets in the car she lays down in the back seat.
Dec 11, 2014 23:46:02 #
Loved him.
"I was so ugly..........
when the kids came to the door on Halloween they tried to rip off my face"
when I was born the doctor slapped my mother"
RIP Rod
"I was so ugly..........
when the kids came to the door on Halloween they tried to rip off my face"
when I was born the doctor slapped my mother"
RIP Rod
Dec 12, 2014 00:19:31 #
Dec 12, 2014 05:49:18 #
Dec 12, 2014 06:13:05 #
Dec 12, 2014 06:19:35 #
The first time I went hitch hiking I got beat up! I used the wrong finger!
Dec 12, 2014 06:22:39 #
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.