Limericks
Oct 15, 2014 03:59:15 #
Gasman Named Dieter
A forgetful old gasman named Dieter,
Who went poking around his gas heater,
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.
Runner Named Dwight
There once was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
An Amoeba Named Max
An amoeba, named Max, and his brother
Were sharing a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.
Lady Named Ferris
There once was a lady named Ferris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass.
'Til the bath salts one day,
in the tub where she lay,
turned out to be Plaster of Paris.
Writer Named Bing
A magazine writer named Bing
Could make copy from most anything;
But the copy he wrote
of a ten-dollar note
Was so good he now lives in Sing Sing.
A forgetful old gasman named Dieter,
Who went poking around his gas heater,
Touched a leak with his light;
He blew out of sight
And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.
Runner Named Dwight
There once was a runner named Dwight
Who could speed even faster than light.
He set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
An Amoeba Named Max
An amoeba, named Max, and his brother
Were sharing a drink with each other;
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing,
And each of them now is a mother.
Lady Named Ferris
There once was a lady named Ferris
Whom nothing could ever embarrass.
'Til the bath salts one day,
in the tub where she lay,
turned out to be Plaster of Paris.
Writer Named Bing
A magazine writer named Bing
Could make copy from most anything;
But the copy he wrote
of a ten-dollar note
Was so good he now lives in Sing Sing.
Oct 15, 2014 04:05:01 #
Oct 15, 2014 04:31:24 #
A young lady of curvacious proportions
Did not believe in taking precautions
This young lady, Ermetrude
One day let a sperm intrude,
Do you know a good man for abortions?
Did not believe in taking precautions
This young lady, Ermetrude
One day let a sperm intrude,
Do you know a good man for abortions?
Oct 15, 2014 05:44:07 #
a naughty boy called peter
sprinkled his bed with a gieter
his father got woest
he take a knoest
and give him a pak on his mieter
(english limmerick from Netherlands)
sprinkled his bed with a gieter
his father got woest
he take a knoest
and give him a pak on his mieter
(english limmerick from Netherlands)
Oct 15, 2014 06:45:10 #
There once was a plumber from Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said Stop your plumbing,
There's somebody coming!
Said the plumber still plumbing... It's me!
A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail with the most heinous charge
But despite lock and key
The next day she broke free
And the headlines said "Small Medium at Large".
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said Stop your plumbing,
There's somebody coming!
Said the plumber still plumbing... It's me!
A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail with the most heinous charge
But despite lock and key
The next day she broke free
And the headlines said "Small Medium at Large".
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
Oct 15, 2014 07:14:44 #
Oct 15, 2014 07:40:22 #
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Oct 15, 2014 08:47:26 #
Ah, limericks - a bygone era.
There was a man from Boston
who drove around in an Austin,
One day the door flew open,
His balls rolled out and he lost them.
There was a man from Bel Air
who liked to do it on the stair.
One day the bannister broke,
so he shortened his stroke
and finished her off in mid-air.
There was a man from Boston
who drove around in an Austin,
One day the door flew open,
His balls rolled out and he lost them.
There was a man from Bel Air
who liked to do it on the stair.
One day the bannister broke,
so he shortened his stroke
and finished her off in mid-air.
Oct 15, 2014 17:52:24 #
There once was a man from Arkansas
who's balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged them together
they played "Stormy Weather"
and lightning shot out of his ass.
who's balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged them together
they played "Stormy Weather"
and lightning shot out of his ass.
Oct 16, 2014 08:05:06 #
A randy young lad named Reg
Took a girl in a hedge
When along came his wife
With a very sharp knife
And cut off his meat and two veg
A certain young lady from Norway
Swung by her legs in the doorway
She called to her beau
"Get over here, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way".
Took a girl in a hedge
When along came his wife
With a very sharp knife
And cut off his meat and two veg
A certain young lady from Norway
Swung by her legs in the doorway
She called to her beau
"Get over here, Joe,
I think I've discovered one more way".
Oct 16, 2014 08:07:43 #
Oct 16, 2014 09:25:44 #
RichieC
Loc: Adirondacks
It's sound limerick judgement to avoid those from Nantucket, in mixed company and especially women.
I know.... I'm the man from Nantucket.
3;o)
I know.... I'm the man from Nantucket.
3;o)
Oct 16, 2014 09:31:14 #
GARGLEBLASTER wrote:
b Gasman Named Dieter /b br br A forgetful old ... (show quote)
Don't see many limericks these days. Thanks for sharing. :thumbup:
Oct 16, 2014 09:58:24 #
A young man from Yuma
told an elephant joke to a Puma
now his skeleton lies
under the Southwestern skies
the Puma had no sense of huma.
told an elephant joke to a Puma
now his skeleton lies
under the Southwestern skies
the Puma had no sense of huma.
Oct 16, 2014 10:32:15 #
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