Sometimes these emails are just too good not to share
Jul 29, 2014 07:13:24 #
This one's truths will tickle your funny bone.
*************************************************
WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays
its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years,
even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes --
one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man can forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
*************************************************
WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires
only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays
its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years,
even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes --
one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes.
___________________________________
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man can forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Jul 29, 2014 07:26:10 #
Jul 29, 2014 08:31:52 #
Wow, so much I see in that that is true! There is one thing I disagree with, not really disagree but the night is our revival mode, we have to put on our creams or we wouldn't look as good and our makeup wouldn't go on as well. LOL
Thank you for sharing this, it is funny! :)
Thank you for sharing this, it is funny! :)
Jul 29, 2014 08:36:30 #
dljen wrote:
Wow, so much I see in that that is true! There is one thing I disagree with, not really disagree but the night is our revival mode, we have to put on our creams or we wouldn't look as good and our makeup wouldn't go on as well. LOL
Thank you for sharing this, it is funny! :)
Thank you for sharing this, it is funny! :)
LOL funny, and that explains that part. :-D :thumbup:
Jul 29, 2014 08:37:32 #
jwt wrote:
LOL funny, and that explains that part. :-D :thumbup:
:thumbup:
A new box of creams just came in the mail! :wink:
Jul 29, 2014 08:40:47 #
Jul 29, 2014 09:17:39 #
Jul 29, 2014 10:16:41 #
Jul 29, 2014 11:39:07 #
Such simple creatures. It's no wonder I prefer hanging out with the guys rather than a silly shopping trip!! I HATE shopping!!!
Jul 29, 2014 12:29:07 #
Singing Swan wrote:
Such simple creatures. It's no wonder I prefer hanging out with the guys rather than a silly shopping trip!! I HATE shopping!!!
Swan, someday if you get up this way, I'll have to take you shopping, I LOVE shopping! I usually let my fingers do the walking and call one of the shopping channels. :)
Jul 30, 2014 06:43:25 #
Hahahaha - I would say this made me happy - but hell, I'm a man - I am already happy!
Jul 30, 2014 07:13:16 #
sb wrote:
Hahahaha - I would say this made me happy - but hell, I'm a man - I am already happy!
:-D :-D :thumbup:
Jul 30, 2014 08:19:25 #
HEART wrote:
I am an engineer. My glass is neither half full nor half empty. It is just twice the size it needs to be!Always wondered why my glass was always half-full!
Jul 30, 2014 08:56:06 #
Great post!
A man can go into a store, get what he needs, and be back in the car in under 15 minutes. Women can't understand this.
A man can go into a store, get what he needs, and be back in the car in under 15 minutes. Women can't understand this.
Aug 3, 2014 10:58:34 #
RalphP
Loc: Oregon
Shirley@countryviewcards.com
jwt wrote:
This one's truths will tickle your funny bone. br ... (show quote)
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