fly boy

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. See what you have to look foreword to at retirement time :-)

magicray Loc: Tampa Bay, Florida

Hahaha! Love it!!!

Fleckjohn65 Loc: Ajax Ontario Canada

Thanks for the chuckle, did jake approve of the chosen poodle?

bigalw Loc: Essex - UK

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: very funny, BUT, I will have to try and forget it as I'm an O.A.P. and off to Costco shortly ;-)

Jackinthebox Loc: travel the world

Man, that is a good one. I need to be on a diet....but....uh.....the nearest Costco is 8,554 miles away.

NeilL Loc: British-born Canadian

Reminds me of when I was a smartass kid, sitting on a riverbank, rod and reel in hand and line in the water. A woman walked by and asked, "Are you fishing?"
My reply, "No, bathing worms."

Dick Z. Loc: Downers Grove IL

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

boberic Loc: Quiet Corner, Connecticut. Ex long Islander

Thanks for the longest laugh in a very long time.

GeneB Loc: Chattanooga Tennessee

See, we can go back in time, right?

FLHTED Loc: Chicago

I never have shopped at Costco nor will I ever! They are Communists. One of the biggest contributors to democratic party. You know, the party that conspires to eliminate our Constitutional right! Wallmart is the place.

nafplyr Loc: Chicago

Hiiiiiiilarios :thumbup: :thumbup:

NeilL Loc: British-born Canadian

All too often, these days.

vteyedoc

My wife is a small animal veterinarian; she will post this in her office.

GeorgeH Loc: Jonesboro, GA

Great story!

Clif Loc: Central Ca.

It comes around about once a year but it is one of the best so I keep reading it and wishing I knew someone new to send it to who has not seen it 3 or 4 times.

Thanks for my annual good laugh. I don't spill the coffee any more, but I do put it down before I get to the second sentence.

Thanks from a Costco shopper, they pay over the minimum wage so I don't have to support their employees.