Rongnongno Loc: FL

I was reading an article on memory on the BBC web site and came to the same conclusion as a woman who suffers from depression.

Let me state that I am not depressive at all, quite the contrary.

What struck me is that I am and have been in contact with men and women that are truly depressed and their mood is infectious and not in a good way. I was wondering why that was that, how could they share their depression.

This article shade some light onto it. They all concentrate on the negative even when trying to think positive 'yes but' and return to their past. It is an endless circle that they cannot get out and it is so tight that after a while you yourself either get onto it or walk away because you do not want or cannot be involved more than a certain level.

I am currently dealing with a 32 year old woman who is a doctor. She is beautiful, intelligent but socially awkward because of her upbringing. I will not explain more but she hates everything about her life her job, herself has no long term friends no lasting intimate relationship. Every time we speak it is about the effective desert in her life. She just does not see what she has achieved already, nothing is positive. Her memories are negative.

Then I have another female friend, older, 40. She has basically the same problem, similar reason, her upbringing. The difference is that she gives too much too soon and ends up hurting in the same desert. Same thing, her memories are not happy. I cannot say she is depressive but she is also in a circle.

I have lost a friend, Jean, when he killed himself. It was a shock for all, no one saw it coming but when I think back, he also had few happy memories yet he had a thriving family, an envious social position and an exclusive prosperous business in his town.

A third woman, 31, was in a deep depression when I met her. The cause were once again with her upbringing but doubled with an invisible spinal handicap. She was also sexually assaulted when a teen and later on. For some reason our contact and exchanges helped her build or recall happier memories. She is now married, mother of two and healthy. She still shows deep anger at times so I am not too sure about the fullness of her 'recovery'. Her eyes have lost the hardness that was in them thought.

All this to say that the article and more specifically the research is spot on. If you do not eliminate bad memories, they take over and weaken your sense of self, even survival.

Now my question is: How can this be corrected?

Another question, less rhetoric: Have you observed this in your personal life?

ottopj Loc: Annapolis, MD USA

I think a better asked question is why do you keep getting involved with these kind of people?

mardak

go to www.ted.com and type depression into their search engine. you will get a lot of useful information and opinions about depression.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

"these kind of people"?????

You really think they are all that different from you to be a 'kind'?

What planet are you from?

I just hope what you are trying to say is a poor choice of words.

As to why... I have no clue, it seems I am being 'sought out'. I listen it is enough, I guess.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

I created another thread about 'ted'. This one was about the human spirit, a woman who is scuba diving (among other things) in her wheelchair.

This thread is about the memory research and the implied link made by the searchers.

I had a friend, Loic, who was wheelchair bound after a bad bike crash. He said after a year that it was the best thing that could have happened to him too. He went on learn to sail of all things then play basketball then tennis and became an activist toward better public facility accesses (early 1980s). He then hitchhiked across Canada, established a long term relationship with a woman. His interest moved to more intellectual venues too, started to appreciate classical music (to the point of noticing the difference between the interpretation of the same musician over a period of time) to chess, history... Before his accident he was a rudder-less pot head.

He died in 2005 from infection inside his thigh. It had not been detected in time.

Shakey Loc: Traveling again to Norway and other places.

Yes, I have observed this in my personal life. I still have it to a lesser degree but I can control it. For example: almost every morning, when I wake up, bad old memories will flood, unbidden, into my mind. If I allowed myself to dwell on these memories, which is easily done, I get depressed.

I corrected this tendency by reading about self-hypnosis. I learned that you can link bad thoughts to a different but related thought and rid your mind, temporarily, of the depressing thoughts. The more you use this technique, over time, the depressing thoughts grow weaker and are more easily banished.

Here's the technique that works for me: when a depressing memory, from the past, enters my mind I immediately link it to a mind picture of dinosaurs (dinosaurs existed in the past but are now extinct). I 'see in my mind' the memories linked to the dinosaurs and they run off together into extinction. The depressing memories are banished immediately and I go happily about my day without feeling bad or bothered by depressing thoughts. If you use this method please allow time for your mind to develop the skill needed; just like a ball player has to develop his/her skill with practice and over time.

You don't need self-hypnosis to make this technique work. Just do it and believe that it will work for you.

Yooper 2 Loc: Ironwood, MI

Many doctors prescribe anti-depressive and anti-anxiety drugs as a first resort for depression. They only cover up the conditions. The cause of the depression still resides in the subconscious. The drugs can make matters worse in in certain people, causing deeper depression and anxiety, irrationality and even suicide.
Cognitive therapy by a trained psychologist has shown to be very successful. It trains people to change their way of dealing with life issues. It helps them to correct their faulty thought processes.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

The method you use is similar to the woman quoted in the article.

Please do note that I am not depressive. I am just in the situation where I have met and keep meeting folks that are. Kistening is not enough to help as you cannot enter a person's mind, even if really private elements come out.

The article lit a bulb in me and I will try to offer this (association of ideas toward positive) to at least one person at first and see what happens.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

Chemical treatment is never a good idea for anything. I am a very bad patient when it comes to that and had a hard time adjusting to heart medicine daily intake.

When it comes to the brain we do not understand sufficiently, in my opinion, to tell a person that everything is chemically related. I agree with you in that. Yet sometimes a medication does allow a patient to calm down and have a better quality of life for a while, until the effect wears off. The side effects can be horrendous but no one is really speaking about those and this an even greater shame.

On that note, for me the psychiatric 'doctors' are quacks and use chemical as a new straight jacket. THAT is a 'profession' I would eliminate. Psychology is something else altogether as it is about inquiring, understanding and eventually help folks learn about themselves (if they go to a good psychologist not a moronic pothead with pink glasses).

On that anti medicine and psychiatric personal rant note....

The article is not related to depression per say but the association made at the end is striking and as such I felt it was important enough to publicize and possibly help someone on UHH.

UP-2-IT Loc: RED STICK, LA

After reading your post I find that I am extremely depressed, I think it might be all of those nightmares that I keep having. The nightmares are about reading strange articles and not being able to relate to the subject matter. I think I need to see a doctor. Perhaps a masseuse with a degree in touching the right spots!

Yooper 2 Loc: Ironwood, MI

[quote=Rongnongno]The method you use is similar to the woman quoted in the article.

Please do note that I am not depressive. I am just in the situation where I have met and keep meeting folks that are. Kistening is not enough to help as you cannot enter a person's mind, even if really private elements come out.

The article lit a bulb in me and I will try to offer this (association of ideas toward positive) to at least one person at first and see what happens.[/quote

I have had 2 relatives that were deeply depressed. This is what I learned: Nothing you can say or do will help them. They just deny the positive. They are not able to see the positive side of life and if you point it out can actually make it worse because they will then feel inadequate that they can't see it. They really can't. And worse yet they misread everything you say. If you tell a deeply depressed woman she is pretty she will say she is not and that you are lying to her. They will dredge up things from your past conversations with them that are horribly skewed and will accuse you of hurting and insulting them. Only trained psychotherapists can get through to a depressed person. Maybe you are being led to depressed people for a reason. Maybe Psychotherapy is your calling.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

When you are dealing with people who are depressive unless you are trained to, do not point out anything to them. Let them be and accept them as they are. This is what I do.

We speak of their condition ONLY and ONLY if they bring it up. At that moment they are extending an hand for help. Even then choose your words carefully as pointing out anything is the last thing they need or want.

More often than not the answer lies in their questions and the art of it is to let them see that without letting them realize you are doing it.

Many complain that they have lost their friends and many other things. This is due not to the repetitive requests/stories over the same thing(s) but to the inadequacies of folks who do not realize that it is not boring to the person who is depressed... Trying to interrupt a person relating his/her experience for nth time is creating a conflict that can never be won. This results in discouragement (from the families/friends) and ultimately to isolation as depressive folks can be contagious if, and only if, you get involved too closely.

Many times I resort to a 'Oh by the way, now that you mention it' and divert to something else to break the current chain of thoughts. Other times I just disconnect for a while and am miles away from what the person talking to me is saying. (That also happens with regular folks that can be just a boring but w/o the excuse of being sick :shock: :mrgreen: :lol: :lol: :lol: )...

As to not seeing the positive... They do, if you do not point it out but let it appears on the periphery of their ideas.

Rongnongno Loc: FL

Just don't read!!! Easy solution here. As to using a 'masseur touching the right spots'... Well, your call, can get really expensive if they 'escort' you...

Nightmares and dreams can be controlled if you learn how... It can be fun to prolong 'flying/swimming/weightless dreams' and a life saver when you fall in them!!!

:shock: :mrgreen: 8-) 8-) 8-) :lol: :lol: :lol:

jjwright71 Loc: Lubbock,Tx

rongobongo ,how do you find all these "depressed people" ,i see you dont know where in the h--- yur at ,so that may be the problem ,fantasy island ,HAR!

Rongnongno Loc: FL

And a fool comes out.

Go back to your asylum.