The Florida Code~~a little Florida humor~~
Apr 15, 2014 08:45:00 #
Received in an email and thought I'd share.....:mrgreen:
THIS IS SO FUNNY AND SOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE!
You'll love the part on the Villages, LOL!
The Florida Code
When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words,
"take I-75," "take I-4" or "take I-95."
When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew.
If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between
the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M.
This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush.
NO EXCEPTIONS. But you will drive anyway.
Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west except Alligator Alley.
Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it!
I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction . . . t
hat's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!
'A1A' and 'Alt. A1A' are the same road.
Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
If you travel more than 20 miles on any road in any part of Florida without
seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!
If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to BACK UP!
Every street in Florida has both a name and a number ( i . e . Adamo = Rt . 60 just for the heck of it --
and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions.
Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go
through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
Know the difference between SunPass , SunFest , Sun-Sentinel and SunTrust.
Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual .
Plaids and stripes of different colors at the same time are the norm.
Your car's signal blinker means nothing. It should be left on at all times.
English is our first and second language.
It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your emergency generator.
We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you.
Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.
When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advance warning
and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until
the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to
Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.
You know how to spell Okeechobee . There is an Okeechobee Lake,
Town, County, Blvd , Street, and Avenue.
A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who
already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.
You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that anyone else has moved here.
There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on nearly every corner -
with more being built every day.
When picking up a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams apple.
It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
In south Florida the four seasons are summer.
There is a city called 'The Villages' where over 100,000 old people live that all
drive golf carts and dance in the streets. 65% of these people are swingers;
the rest just got too old to care about it.
(They have the highest number of cases of VD/STD in the state!)
Jupiter is a city, not a planet.
Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . . not weeknights or weekends . . .
that's for the working folks.
There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a football team.
You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up
north and do it that way. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.
No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure
out your property taxes.
Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside.
But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
With the slightest hint of a hurricane your house insurance will be cancelled .
The biggest Asian pythons are in the Everglades .
You want to live > > on a lake? Dig a hole.
Early bird dinner starts at 4 but be there at 3.
Always have plastic bags in your purse or pocket for the packets of sugar,
Splenda, additional servings from the buffet, etc.
True Floridians rarely go to the local beach except Miami .
These are recognized by the tobacco-colored leather skin.
Don't think of going to Boca unless you are wearing at least once piece of gold lame'.
Always be observant of cars backing through store windows or into canals and swimming pools.
Note that most cars are driven by headless drivers.
When seen the head always has white hair and over-sized, black wrap-around sunglasses.
This would be even funnier if it weren't so true!
Quote:
THIS IS SO FUNNY AND SOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE!
You'll love the part on the Villages, LOL!
The Florida Code
When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words,
"take I-75," "take I-4" or "take I-95."
When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew.
If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between
the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M.
This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush.
NO EXCEPTIONS. But you will drive anyway.
Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west except Alligator Alley.
Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it!
I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction . . . t
hat's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!
'A1A' and 'Alt. A1A' are the same road.
Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
If you travel more than 20 miles on any road in any part of Florida without
seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!
If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to BACK UP!
Every street in Florida has both a name and a number ( i . e . Adamo = Rt . 60 just for the heck of it --
and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions.
Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go
through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
Know the difference between SunPass , SunFest , Sun-Sentinel and SunTrust.
Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual .
Plaids and stripes of different colors at the same time are the norm.
Your car's signal blinker means nothing. It should be left on at all times.
English is our first and second language.
It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your emergency generator.
We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you.
Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.
When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advance warning
and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until
the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to
Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.
You know how to spell Okeechobee . There is an Okeechobee Lake,
Town, County, Blvd , Street, and Avenue.
A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who
already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.
You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that anyone else has moved here.
There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on nearly every corner -
with more being built every day.
When picking up a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams apple.
It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
In south Florida the four seasons are summer.
There is a city called 'The Villages' where over 100,000 old people live that all
drive golf carts and dance in the streets. 65% of these people are swingers;
the rest just got too old to care about it.
(They have the highest number of cases of VD/STD in the state!)
Jupiter is a city, not a planet.
Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . . not weeknights or weekends . . .
that's for the working folks.
There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a football team.
You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up
north and do it that way. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.
No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure
out your property taxes.
Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside.
But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
With the slightest hint of a hurricane your house insurance will be cancelled .
The biggest Asian pythons are in the Everglades .
You want to live > > on a lake? Dig a hole.
Early bird dinner starts at 4 but be there at 3.
Always have plastic bags in your purse or pocket for the packets of sugar,
Splenda, additional servings from the buffet, etc.
True Floridians rarely go to the local beach except Miami .
These are recognized by the tobacco-colored leather skin.
Don't think of going to Boca unless you are wearing at least once piece of gold lame'.
Always be observant of cars backing through store windows or into canals and swimming pools.
Note that most cars are driven by headless drivers.
When seen the head always has white hair and over-sized, black wrap-around sunglasses.
This would be even funnier if it weren't so true!
Apr 15, 2014 11:23:33 #
I think most of this is very true. I was born in Florida almost 81 years ago and rarely see a native Floridian my age. All transplanted from some other place, usually the north, and have to tell us how to do things to make it happen faster or better. It would be interesting to know how many people over 60 that were born here. WW2 children don't count as they did not really "live" here. Oh well, think I will move to Ohio so I can tell them how we did it "down south".
Apr 15, 2014 17:58:43 #
wireman8
Loc: Toledo, Ohio
Ol' Frank wrote:
I think most of this is very true. I was born in Florida almost 81 years ago and rarely see a native Floridian my age. All transplanted from some other place, usually the north, and have to tell us how to do things to make it happen faster or better. It would be interesting to know how many people over 60 that were born here. WW2 children don't count as they did not really "live" here. Oh well, think I will move to Ohio so I can tell them how we did it "down south".
Come on up, I just shoveled snow this morning.
Apr 15, 2014 20:16:54 #
silverhawk wrote:
Received in an email and thought I'd share.....:mr... (show quote)
Been here since '79 or '80 and plan on retiring up North so I can drive real slow all the time!
Apr 15, 2014 20:39:39 #
Apr 16, 2014 07:14:22 #
This is very accurate, except for the Hurricane Prep. The guy who is always in line behind me (at Publix, of course) only ever has a loaf of bread and a case of beer. I am guessing he already has the peanut butter) :)
Apr 16, 2014 11:13:19 #
firtree wrote:
This is very accurate, except for the Hurricane Prep. The guy who is always in line behind me (at Publix, of course) only ever has a loaf of bread and a case of beer. I am guessing he already has the peanut butter) :)
That is how to tell a real native. We don't worry about the storms very much. Just go outside after the storm and try to find anything that has been blown away. If you can't find it, just build or buy another. Everyone needs some fresh bread and beer.
Apr 16, 2014 11:18:57 #
Hi Firtree, Stupid question from a Brit.......When you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich do you butter the bread with ordinary butter before applying the peanut butter?
This question has bugged me for years and as I don't get out much and have an enquiring mind I need to know!
This question has bugged me for years and as I don't get out much and have an enquiring mind I need to know!
Apr 16, 2014 18:59:10 #
Ol' Frank wrote:
I think most of this is very true. I was born in Florida almost 81 years ago and rarely see a native Floridian my age. All transplanted from some other place, usually the north, and have to tell us how to do things to make it happen faster or better. It would be interesting to know how many people over 60 that were born here. WW2 children don't count as they did not really "live" here. Oh well, think I will move to Ohio so I can tell them how we did it "down south".
I am 70 yrs old and am a 4th generation native Floridian. My grandson is 6th generation native Floridian.
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