This is what it is like in the Navy
Dec 10, 2013 23:33:05 #
I served in the Navy a long time ago. If you wanted to know what it is like in the Navy, read this.
1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
3. Repaint your entire house every month.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
6. Once a week, blow air up your chimney, with a leaf blower and let the wind carry the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and reassemble them.
8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water, so no bathing will be allowed.
11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. Re-qualify every 6 months.
14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 0500, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 0600 while she reads it to you.
16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 1500.
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. "Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all sh**cans and butt kits!")
18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering the rest.
19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one-- the same one every night.
20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting "Now general quarters, general quarters! All hands man your battle stations!)
21. Make your family's menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Midrats)
25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog into the pool and shout "Man overboard, port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup, "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
28. Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at 10 p.m. "Now taps, taps! Lights out! Maintain silence throughout the ship!" Then immediately have an 18-wheeler crash into your house. (For aircraft carrier sailors.)
29. Build a fire in a trash can in your garage. Loudly announce to your family, "This is a drill, this is a drill! Fire in hangar bay one!"
30. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand in front of the podium for 4-hour intervals. Best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
31. Next time there's a bad thunderstorm in your area, find the biggest horse you can, put a two-inch mattress on his back, strap yourself to it and turn him loose in a barn for six hours. Then get up and go to work.
32. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.
33. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
34. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
35. Sew the back pockets of your jeans onto the front.
36. Add 1/3 cup of Diesel fuel to the laundry.
37. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.
38. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
39. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you'll take them to Disney World for liberty. At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
3. Repaint your entire house every month.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
6. Once a week, blow air up your chimney, with a leaf blower and let the wind carry the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and reassemble them.
8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water, so no bathing will be allowed.
11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. Re-qualify every 6 months.
14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 0500, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 0600 while she reads it to you.
16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 1500.
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. "Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all sh**cans and butt kits!")
18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering the rest.
19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one-- the same one every night.
20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting "Now general quarters, general quarters! All hands man your battle stations!)
21. Make your family's menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. (Midrats)
25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog into the pool and shout "Man overboard, port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup, "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
28. Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at 10 p.m. "Now taps, taps! Lights out! Maintain silence throughout the ship!" Then immediately have an 18-wheeler crash into your house. (For aircraft carrier sailors.)
29. Build a fire in a trash can in your garage. Loudly announce to your family, "This is a drill, this is a drill! Fire in hangar bay one!"
30. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand in front of the podium for 4-hour intervals. Best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
31. Next time there's a bad thunderstorm in your area, find the biggest horse you can, put a two-inch mattress on his back, strap yourself to it and turn him loose in a barn for six hours. Then get up and go to work.
32. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.
33. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
34. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
35. Sew the back pockets of your jeans onto the front.
36. Add 1/3 cup of Diesel fuel to the laundry.
37. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.
38. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
39. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you'll take them to Disney World for liberty. At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.
Dec 10, 2013 23:47:19 #
Dec 10, 2013 23:50:39 #
Dec 11, 2013 00:32:32 #
SteveR wrote:
Ok, you talked me out of the Navy. I guess I'll join the Marines.
:thumbup:
Dec 11, 2013 03:21:32 #
Dec 11, 2013 07:51:08 #
Your post brought back memories of my service aboard USS John F Kennedy, CV-67. Still laughing only because your observations are right on... The diesel fuel in the laundry is so true. My tees were almost as gray as the ship.
Aboard USS JFK CV-67
Dec 11, 2013 10:02:00 #
You forgot one. Once every month mix marine diesel fuel with your only clean drinking water. I was stationed on board the USS Constellation from June 77 through Mar 81 and made 3 westpac cruise so I can relate to everything on this list. Thanks for posting pipesgt.
Dec 11, 2013 10:03:24 #
I think you are being a bit harsh; remember that steel 'dumpster' is in a very steel unfriendly environment, and that is 'close quarters living' conditions. However, thinking back to my time in the Army Transportation Corps (50+ years ago), I still maintain that we put more "wear & tear" on equipment by too frequent 'training maintenance' than actual use, but if you don't 'train' the troops, eventually it will only be the senior NCO's that know how to fix things broken.
That said, during the Cuban Crisis when we drove the road legal equipment to Florida and then worked the hell out of it for a couple of months, most everything ran just fine until we got back to our home base and shortly thereafter failed a previously scheduled IG inspection. Knowing the equipment wasn't up to "Parade Ground" standards, we asked for a delay, but the answer that came back was that all equipment was supposed to be maintained to 'standards' under all circumstances so the "brown stuff hit the blower" and month or so later we were re-tested and passed!
Another not so fond memory was not being able to get maintenance work that was mandated to be done by "Depot Maintenance" completed for a lack of funds. However, for a week or so before "Armed Forces Day Open House(s)", we had no problem getting gallons of paint to make things that wouldn't run look good, towing it out to the parade grounds for display and then towing it back to the Motor Pools that evening after the civilians left!
That said, during the Cuban Crisis when we drove the road legal equipment to Florida and then worked the hell out of it for a couple of months, most everything ran just fine until we got back to our home base and shortly thereafter failed a previously scheduled IG inspection. Knowing the equipment wasn't up to "Parade Ground" standards, we asked for a delay, but the answer that came back was that all equipment was supposed to be maintained to 'standards' under all circumstances so the "brown stuff hit the blower" and month or so later we were re-tested and passed!
Another not so fond memory was not being able to get maintenance work that was mandated to be done by "Depot Maintenance" completed for a lack of funds. However, for a week or so before "Armed Forces Day Open House(s)", we had no problem getting gallons of paint to make things that wouldn't run look good, towing it out to the parade grounds for display and then towing it back to the Motor Pools that evening after the civilians left!
Dec 11, 2013 10:07:17 #
Dec 11, 2013 10:37:56 #
Forgot about shutting off fresh water for several days at a time because of broken evaporators. No bathing, brushing teeth, laundry etc for a week or two at a time. Sailing in and out of rain squalls so you can strip down and bath topside in the rain. Guess you really can't do that today with mixed crews on board.
Dec 11, 2013 10:45:05 #
Dec 11, 2013 11:58:03 #
Poor -poor - poor Navy having it so bad! My father was in the Navy and he said as long as you have a ship under you, you have a dry bed to sleep in. He was in WWII. Also you were never more than 3000 feet from land. Too bad it was straight down.
I was aboard a LST for a short time. 30 days transport to and from the Med. Life aboard was sweet. Even while clipping a hurricane during the voyage. I slept in the forward part of the ship, as for berthing, got as high as I could to prevent vomit falling on me. Pulled watch in the hold as well as in the CIC during part of the storm. Was really surprised how much, the top of the ship sways off center, they said you should have seen yesterday!
But with all said and done, life aboard ship was the Life of Riley. You were offered three hot meals a day, had a dry bed to sleep in, laundry, and movies and possibly liberty in safe exotic places as you docked in ports.
Compare this to eat a hot meal every once in a while, and if your "C" rats (yes I have eaten "C" rats from 1942) ran out because you hadn't carried enough on your back, you didn't eat. Your bed was a fighting hole, when it rained, it was a mud hole. Oh we did have it good, we didn't have to chip and paint the fighting hole, we left it dirt brown.
Continuing, there were no nightly or weekly movies, or even laundry service, unless you consider wading through water as washing clothes, of course there always seemed to be ring around the collar afterwards also the dirt didn't seem to get off your back when wearing a pack.
Oh yeah in the cleanliness area. We had our toothbrush, but no toothpaste, and you didn't use precious water just to spit it out. Our shower heads were a little higher than yours. Instead of head high, ours were cloud high, no problem of getting under them even for the tallest. But no soap or soap trays available. And no towels to dry off.
How many of us would trade the experience, no matter what branch of service we were in. We all can bitch, and raze each other, but who would trade it. If you haven't guessed RVN MC as well as many other duty stations.
I was aboard a LST for a short time. 30 days transport to and from the Med. Life aboard was sweet. Even while clipping a hurricane during the voyage. I slept in the forward part of the ship, as for berthing, got as high as I could to prevent vomit falling on me. Pulled watch in the hold as well as in the CIC during part of the storm. Was really surprised how much, the top of the ship sways off center, they said you should have seen yesterday!
But with all said and done, life aboard ship was the Life of Riley. You were offered three hot meals a day, had a dry bed to sleep in, laundry, and movies and possibly liberty in safe exotic places as you docked in ports.
Compare this to eat a hot meal every once in a while, and if your "C" rats (yes I have eaten "C" rats from 1942) ran out because you hadn't carried enough on your back, you didn't eat. Your bed was a fighting hole, when it rained, it was a mud hole. Oh we did have it good, we didn't have to chip and paint the fighting hole, we left it dirt brown.
Continuing, there were no nightly or weekly movies, or even laundry service, unless you consider wading through water as washing clothes, of course there always seemed to be ring around the collar afterwards also the dirt didn't seem to get off your back when wearing a pack.
Oh yeah in the cleanliness area. We had our toothbrush, but no toothpaste, and you didn't use precious water just to spit it out. Our shower heads were a little higher than yours. Instead of head high, ours were cloud high, no problem of getting under them even for the tallest. But no soap or soap trays available. And no towels to dry off.
How many of us would trade the experience, no matter what branch of service we were in. We all can bitch, and raze each other, but who would trade it. If you haven't guessed RVN MC as well as many other duty stations.
Dec 11, 2013 12:22:28 #
For those of you who thought I was complaining, don't get me wrong, those were some of the best years of my life. I would do it again in a picosecond
Dec 11, 2013 12:39:32 #
Very ex Tin Can sailor here, Gulf of Tonkin Yacht Club. Been there, done that. Thanks for the memories.
Black smoke and white water shipmate......
Black smoke and white water shipmate......
Dec 11, 2013 12:58:43 #
mwoods222 wrote:
Go Army
:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: But I will have to
admit the Navy had better Electronic Training than
we could get. My life long Navy buddy did the same
kind of training as mine and his school was longer and
more in-depth. I got to visit him once on his Sub. and
I couldn't stay six days on that thing little less six months
at sea. My hats off to you guys. mdh
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