20 TOP ZEN TEACHINGS
Sep 28, 2013 05:08:09 #
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgement comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgement.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgement comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgement.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Sep 28, 2013 05:41:41 #
Hilarious! laughter is the best medicine. Thanks, Witzendwizard.
Sep 28, 2013 07:35:25 #
Sep 28, 2013 17:19:39 #
Sep 28, 2013 17:56:43 #
It IS very funny, but at the same time there is a lot of truth there! :thumbup:
Sep 29, 2013 06:22:39 #
Sep 29, 2013 08:25:17 #
Sep 29, 2013 09:52:17 #
Witzendwizard wrote:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do n... (show quote)
21
Friendship is like pissing your pants: Everyone can see it but only you can feel its true warmth.
Sep 29, 2013 12:21:39 #
Sep 29, 2013 18:55:59 #
Sep 29, 2013 19:24:39 #
Sep 30, 2013 15:52:39 #
Witzendwizard wrote:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do n... (show quote)
Very wise words oh Witzendwizard! :thumbup:
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