For a change - atheist jokes
Aug 19, 2013 08:19:03 #
Q.What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?
Ans.Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists wont claim that god did it.
One day the zoo keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books, On the Origin of Species and the Bible.
Surprised, he asked the orangutan "why are you reading both those books"
"Well," said the orangutan. "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother"
Atheist headstone inscription: "All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go".
Atheist: Whats this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I cant eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The flys prayers were answered.
An Atheist and a Bear
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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Ans.Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists wont claim that god did it.
One day the zoo keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books, On the Origin of Species and the Bible.
Surprised, he asked the orangutan "why are you reading both those books"
"Well," said the orangutan. "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother"
Atheist headstone inscription: "All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go".
Atheist: Whats this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I cant eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The flys prayers were answered.
An Atheist and a Bear
Previous Next
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
Aug 19, 2013 08:33:15 #
Aug 19, 2013 09:42:45 #
Aug 19, 2013 15:48:34 #
Aug 19, 2013 18:49:29 #
Aug 19, 2013 19:32:36 #
Tom G wrote:
And the dyslexic Atheist who said there was no Dog.
That was a good one.
Aug 19, 2013 21:06:47 #
Aug 20, 2013 01:12:43 #
Aug 20, 2013 21:02:55 #
Aug 21, 2013 00:03:55 #
Aug 21, 2013 00:52:49 #
In Alabama an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant! ........ Coot
Aug 21, 2013 11:51:32 #
Funny jokes.
Don't suppose it will be long though before someone claims it is making fun of his or her religion.
Don't suppose it will be long though before someone claims it is making fun of his or her religion.
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