I love mustard
Jul 30, 2013 17:39:06 #
I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father).
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers..
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my
tongue protruding out.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my
wife Said, 'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard
Poupon.''
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers..
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my
tongue protruding out.
With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine
shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my
wife Said, 'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard
Poupon.''
Jul 30, 2013 19:16:21 #
Jul 30, 2013 20:36:05 #
I love mustard, but I always thought that brown stuff tasted like carp. I guess it's not quite that bad. :)
Jul 31, 2013 09:29:15 #
Jul 31, 2013 10:00:20 #
newwbe
Loc: St. Louis MO
I first heard this joke many years ago when our oldest (43) was a baby. Still great.
Jul 31, 2013 10:35:10 #
Jul 31, 2013 10:50:31 #
No you didn't, the guy whose story this is about, is not that old
newwbe wrote:
I first heard this joke many years ago when our oldest (43) was a baby. Still great.
Jul 31, 2013 18:07:07 #
Absolutely love this story. I have had 5 girls all doing well for them selves eldest 32 youngest 13. Not so many years ago, When one of the older end was bouncing one of the younger end and throwing the child in the air, after being warned by mum that baby had just been fed!The daughter in question proceeds to ignore, until with her mouth wide open trying to make baby chuckle via many different faces, baby decides to posit a wagon load of baby vomit into her open mouth! I have never ever seen anybody dump the swaddled bundle and move that fast into the bathroom in my life.
Jul 31, 2013 20:27:39 #
newwbe
Loc: St. Louis MO
Sorrry this is an old joke I heard several difference versions of it over the years. Still good.
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.