Crwiwy Loc: Devon UK

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy these quotes. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners' from the man who was known for his clean humour.



RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3.I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8.She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was ' Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13.The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

magicray Loc: Tampa Bay, Florida

Funny stuff. Red was one of a kind for sure. He always laughed at his own jokes. When asked why, he said " I make 'em up as I go along so it's the first time I hear 'em". I think Rodney Dangerfield stole a lot of his material.

RE Loc: California

That was great, always have enjoyed his humor!

Chinaman Loc: Adelaide, South Australia, Australia

Real funny......... and clean. Unlike comedians these days who need to say the 'f' word un-necessarily.

skidooman Loc: Minnesota

Red was one of the greats! Thanks for sharing.

jwrawlinson

Red divorced his wife and married his nurse. That wasn't very funny.
jr

Photoman74 Loc: Conroe Tx

:P :P :P :P

magicray Loc: Tampa Bay, Florida

Ya, but have you ever seen a photo of Red's wife?

Red's wife.

jwrawlinson

Hey, wait a minute. THAT'S MY WIFE. But where are the wrinkles?
jr

A10 Loc: Southern Indiana

Red was an Indiana boy. Vincennes University has a life size, or better, bronze of him at their performing arts center. His comedy is great even today.