Job application
Jul 2, 2013 06:41:39 #
If you have the misfortune not to live Down Under Bunnings is a big hardware and DIY store in Australia and NZ
BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Wodonga. They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than Im worth..
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Time-share Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, Id like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. absolutely.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After landing my new job as a Bunnings Greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . .. . . ..
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Brighton babe walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
"Good morning and welcome to Bunnings."
I then said,
"Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"No, they ain't effin twins... The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Wodonga. They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
£150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than Im worth..
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Time-share Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, Id like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. absolutely.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After landing my new job as a Bunnings Greeter - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . .. . . ..
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Brighton babe walked into the store with her two kids,
yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly,
"Good morning and welcome to Bunnings."
I then said,
"Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"No, they ain't effin twins... The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Jul 2, 2013 06:45:13 #
Jul 2, 2013 06:59:55 #
Jul 2, 2013 07:41:18 #
Jul 2, 2013 07:43:41 #
sarge69 wrote:
I'd like the chance to do that job, just for one day.
Sarge69
Sarge69
I think that's all you'd be allowed, Sarge. :D
Jul 2, 2013 12:11:55 #
she had to have been gawd awful ugly....probably uglier than sin or maybe she was dipped in misery
Jul 2, 2013 16:49:30 #
That is really funny, loved the job application but laughed out loud at the "twins" :lol: :lol: :lol:
Jul 3, 2013 05:55:58 #
Jul 3, 2013 12:11:15 #
Jul 3, 2013 22:22:13 #
Loved the twins bit. Mind you sound's like she was lucky it happened once.The bloke , not so lucky. There is a lesson here, Dont get drunk.
If you want to reply, then register here. Registration is free and your account is created instantly, so you can post right away.