Don't mess with Old People!
Jun 24, 2013 17:32:12 #
The HMRC (Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs) decided to subject Grandpa to a full audit, and
summoned him to the local tax office. The HMRC auditor was not surprised when
Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
>
>The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying
that you win money gambling. I'm not sure that HMRC finds that believable.'
>
>I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'Would you like a
demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Very well. Go
ahead.'
>
>Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own
eye.'
>
>The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
>
>Grandpa removes
his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
>
>Grandpa says, 'Now,
I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor
can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
>
>Grandpa removes his
dentures and bites his good eye.
>
>The stunned auditor now realises that he
has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.
>
>'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you
six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into
that waste basket on the other side, without a drop falling anywhere in
between.'
>
>The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
once again, he agrees.
>
>Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,
but although he strains mightily, he can't quite make the stream reach the
waste basket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
>
>The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just
turned a major loss into a substantial win.
>
>But Grandpa's own lawyer moans
and puts his head in his hands.
>
>'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
>
>'Not
really.' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been
summoned for a tax audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could
come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
>
>Don't mess with Old People!
summoned him to the local tax office. The HMRC auditor was not surprised when
Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.
>
>The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying
that you win money gambling. I'm not sure that HMRC finds that believable.'
>
>I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'Would you like a
demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Very well. Go
ahead.'
>
>Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own
eye.'
>
>The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
>
>Grandpa removes
his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
>
>Grandpa says, 'Now,
I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor
can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
>
>Grandpa removes his
dentures and bites his good eye.
>
>The stunned auditor now realises that he
has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.
>
>'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you
six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into
that waste basket on the other side, without a drop falling anywhere in
between.'
>
>The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so
once again, he agrees.
>
>Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,
but although he strains mightily, he can't quite make the stream reach the
waste basket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
>
>The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just
turned a major loss into a substantial win.
>
>But Grandpa's own lawyer moans
and puts his head in his hands.
>
>'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
>
>'Not
really.' says the lawyer. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been
summoned for a tax audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand pounds that he could
come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
>
>Don't mess with Old People!
Jun 24, 2013 17:49:11 #
Jun 24, 2013 18:10:27 #
Jun 24, 2013 21:35:17 #
tlbuljac wrote:
haha....wish I could do that
Howdy......
I'm old... I can do that :shock:
Vern... :thumbup:
Jun 25, 2013 07:54:45 #
Jun 25, 2013 10:19:59 #
Man, I laughed all over myself and the computer reading this.
A great one, hope you don't mind if I steal it.
A great one, hope you don't mind if I steal it.
Jun 25, 2013 10:29:57 #
Jun 25, 2013 12:05:35 #
lovesphotos wrote:
Man, I laughed all over myself and the computer reading this.
A great one, hope you don't mind if I steal it.
A great one, hope you don't mind if I steal it.
You don't have to steal it, I'll give it to you (not that it was mine in the first place!)
Jun 27, 2013 06:28:53 #
photosarah wrote:
You don't have to steal it, I'll give it to you (not that it was mine in the first place!)
Heard it before, But it was funny then and funny now!!!!!!
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