gtemple1 Loc: E. Olympia, WA

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an asshole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I then asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called asshole #1.

He said, 'Hello'

I said, 'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah!'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me'

I said, 'Make me.'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax, a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,' and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass'

I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Big Stopper Loc: London

I'm not sure I should admit to laughing at that - but I did - a lot! :lol:

tlbuljac Loc: Oklahoma

just spit my drink all over my monitor...AGAIN...damn what a creative idea....not bad for an asshole....LOL

Tom DePuy Loc: Waxhaw, N.C.

snicker ...snicker

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

I read it to my wife and we could not stop laughing.
Very smart man. :lol: :thumbup:

Pepper Loc: Planet Earth Country USA

That is funny

magicray Loc: Tampa Bay, Florida

Great. Thanks.

WaltG Loc: Las Vegas NV

Planning is the key to success. Excellent! :lol: :lol: :lol:

mwoods222 Loc: Newburg N.Y,

It kept me reading
. Many years ago I worked at a bank and from my second flood window I could see the phone booth if anyone remembers on Broad and Wall Street
Well one day I went down and got the number. Occasionally when I need a laugh I would call. The number and catch sons Dudley do right answering. I would say I was Allen Font from candid camera and was doing a stunt on that booth but needed help in focus on the booth. Could he or her hold something out the door and shake it. Then lower and higher. I would thank them and invite them over to a large moving truck and meet Allen and sign a consent firm to put it on TV can you imaging the men on the truck when someone would came over and say where is Allen Font true

TrainNut Loc: Ridin' the rails

And I thought I was crazy. :-D

I am learning a lot here. :thumbup:

serrota65

Yes, that's what this world needs. More people perpetuating violence and hatred over trivial, meaningless acts. Feel proud?

gtemple1 Loc: E. Olympia, WA

Yes, that's what this world needs. More people perpetuating violence and hatred over trivial, meaningless acts. Feel proud?




It's a joke, moron!

serrota65

First, I'm not a moron. Of course I realize it's a joke. It's the attitude it perpetuates, witnessed by some of the replies, that I find offensive. You can say it's just humor, all in good fun, but think about it. This is how it starts. It's a mind set, an attitude. Saying it's a joke doesn't mean it's acceptable. What you think and what you say has consequences.
Second, it always amuses me that people like you can very freely name call someone you don't even know over the safety of the keyboard. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be so free with name-calling if we met face to face. I could stoop to your level and insert a few names to call you, but I don't know you, and, well... then I'd be down to your level.

WaltG Loc: Las Vegas NV

I'm just curious. Perhaps you would like to provide an example of what you consider a decent joke??
:D :D :-)

serrota65

Walt, there have been plenty of very funny jokes posted here. I would even say I've laughed or at least chuckled at most of them. I just don't think it's necessary to promote violence, revenge and situations in which people are taken advantage of. You may say these guys deserved what they got. Maybe. But this world is never going to change unless we can forgive, forget, and move on.
I know, it's just a joke. no one actually came to blows, as far as we know. but it's the mind set, the attitude that bothers me. I've had people cross me many times in my life. And at 6'6" & a pretty solid 255lbs there's not many of them I couldn't deal with. But I choose to not be bothered by them. I don't have time to hold a grudge. I'm too busy being creative and enjoying life. Anger and vengeance will bring you down. Sadly, some seem to thrive on it.