St3v3M Loc: 35,000 feet

ocbeyer has graciously volunteered their WPC 1321 - Armed Forces entry for critique and analysis to find out what they could have done to make it better. Be nice, but be honest as this will help everyone with their craft. Thank you ocbeyer and thank you everyone!

from WPC 1321 - Armed Forces RESULTS http://www.uglyhedgehog.com/photo_contest_ratings.jsp?pcnum=60

He has their attention - at an airshow I was struck by how this family (except for grandma and the little girl on the left) were more interested in this young veteran than the jets flying above. Helped to put all that expensive military hardware surrounding us in perspective.

losman70 Loc: San Diego, Ca.

breathtaking....definitely puts all that money put into warfare and technology to shame. What truly matters.

dpullum Loc: Tampa Florida

St3v3M: said in part "I was struck by how this family (except for grandma and the little girl on the left) were more interested in this young veteran than the jets flying above."

Agreed, without question the quality of the photo, tho a bit dark, is great, and again B/W has more message color than color. Shades of gray (yes not pure gray) Striking!

St3v3M, my thoughts were just the opposite to the valid interpretation you stated. To me the jet was the interest of the people in the photo... the three are looking up.
In my interpretation, the vet in the chair is accepted as being just another person at the show and not an oddity for gawking or pity.

But we are photo viewers and we need to see the message, which is not the jet rather the vet in the chair. The message is that the vet is NOT viewed as an oddity by those in the photo. We however as photo viewers are allowed to look long and hard and be thankful it is him and not us. We are allowed to gawk at his misfortune.

By cropping down to three people,the little girl twisted around, the vet in the chair, and the woman close to the vet, the triangle of subjects are concentrated from the background. Three in a triangulation is an effective composition tool. The size of the main subject, the vet, is larger and thus dominates. (please excuse any glitches resulting from a quick job with edit)

The Vet Has Mobility and Spirit

jvo Loc: left coast of the east coast

while impressive, the original more impactful - great message. crop little girl on left, maybe.

wish i would have been observant enough to see and make this shot, what photography is all about! i'm jealous st3v3m.

dpullum Loc: Tampa Florida

[quote=jvo]while impressive, the original more impactful - great message. crop little girl on left, maybe."

Reply: The little girl IMO adds intensity to the look, the fact that she turned around which causes the photo viewer to look right. Also croping "little girl on the left" would almost make the shot all about the Vet which of course it is.. but with the girl the Vet has two supporting actors. I did consider it.

And for our education, why do you think the original had more impact. That is a sincere question. IMO there are two photos in it... the family looking at him and the one I cropped. According to the pros in my Camer-Club there should be one message. But differences make the world go round.

dpullum Loc: Tampa Florida

jvo said in part: "while impressive, the original more impactful - great message. crop little girl on left, maybe."

Reply: The little girl IMO adds intensity to the look, the fact that she turned around which causes the photo viewer to look right. Also cropping "little girl on the left" would almost make the shot all about people stairing at the Vet which of course it is.. but with the girl included the Vet has two supporting actors. I did consider your suggestion.

And for our education, why do you think the original had more impact, what were your feelings when viewing the two. That is a sincere question. IMO there are two photos in it... the family looking at him and the one I cropped. According to the pros in my Camer-Club there should be one message. But differences make the world go round.

St3v3M Loc: 35,000 feet

Great crop, but to clarify... ocbeyer has graciously volunteered...

St3v3M Loc: 35,000 feet

To clarify... ocbeyer has graciously volunteered...

ocbeyer Loc: Baltimore

I'm really liking this feedback. Like the crop, an entirely different story.

Curious about the "one message" concept, though. I'm reminded of the illustrations of Norman Rockwell, where there was often more than one story being told. Not that I am a great fan of his, or most "posed" tableaus but sometimes...

dpullum Loc: Tampa Florida

When you write a paragraph you are trying to convey an (one main) idea or concept. The next paragraph may be another idea or an expansion of the first paragraph. The reader in a sense asks what is the message and you tell them clearly with words. Talking about two subjects in one paragraph may confuse the reader. "What are they telling me? What is this story going to be about? Is the story about the difficulty grandma has adjusting to this vet or is the message about the adaptation of this vet to his situation?" I chose the second.

When we view a photograph we are dealing with feeling tones conveyed to the more primitive parts of the brain. Wait a minute is that a tiger in the bushes, the brain disregards the rabbit and focuses on one message the possible tiger.

In the original photo what is the message? Oh pity that guy and ignore why he and those other people are there? If that is what you want to convey then make it so. If the message is he, tho central, is just part of the crowd and participating in normal events then make it so. In a sense, it is your photo to make your message and not that of the viewer. So which one message, two allows the viewer to make the choice.. No, direct them.

I may sound sure that I am right, but I am open to opposing views.... What-cha-tank?

ocbeyer Loc: Baltimore

Good points. But sometimes a story, even a paragraph, can have layers of complexity, right? Some elements not so immediately obvious.

the message I got from that scene was a dawning sense of realIzation on the part of the children on the right and the mother. That thIs is what it is all about, that the airshow, a cool as it is, is not the circus, its not about entertainment, its about violence.

The sight of the young man in the wheel chair hammers that point home, even for the kids. The vet, who will suffer the consequences of that violence for the rest of his life, shows the same fascination with the tools of war action as the young girl does, as I did. (He was there with his family with his wife and small children, btw).

dpullum Loc: Tampa Florida

SURE, OCBEYER, That is a valid message, combine that with the appropriate verbal title and it directs the message.. "Not all found the flying planes to be the point of interest" or some such title.

TonyB Loc: Cornwall UK

I love this photo, it reminds me of some of the 'Magnum' photos, in that it tells a real story. I also think that the cropped version, although compositionally better, has a completely different story that loses the impact of the original. Technically I feel the background is too dark and cluttered, it distracts from the main picture and confuses the overall feeling that Ocbeyer was giving us.

SportsMom Loc: Texas

I disagree about cropping the onlookers out. He has a handicap (most likely due to his service) and they are interested... That is the story in my mind. I love this shot, but I am not an expert. Thanks for sharing!

Eveline

[quote=dpullum]

I like both versions. I agree cropping the little girl on the left would be a mistake. The people's gazes are extremely important in this shot. I too agree that the shot is a bit dark and a bit contrasty. Very good subject matter and attention to detail.