A few one liners.....
Apr 8, 2013 12:54:55 #
You may have heard some before but they made me laugh......
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time . . .
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I gave her a big push and she fell over.
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Rubbish to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield . 3.1415927 dead
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a pee."
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
Husband says to wife My Olympic condoms have arrived I think Ill wear gold tonight.
Wife says, Why dont you wear silver and come second for a change.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van[ National vehicle recovery service in UK] parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown.
The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.
To be fair the audience did try to warn him.
Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair Dundat.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time . . .
I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I gave her a big push and she fell over.
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Rubbish to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
Just heard there was an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield . 3.1415927 dead
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. "Morning." I said. "No" he replied, "just having a pee."
Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
Husband says to wife My Olympic condoms have arrived I think Ill wear gold tonight.
Wife says, Why dont you wear silver and come second for a change.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van[ National vehicle recovery service in UK] parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guys heading for a breakdown.
The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.
To be fair the audience did try to warn him.
Apr 8, 2013 13:05:16 #
Apr 8, 2013 13:08:05 #
Apr 9, 2013 16:26:35 #
Funny . I had to reread some of them to "get it" Thanks for my morning chuckle
Apr 9, 2013 23:09:47 #
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