A Retiree's last trip to Publix
Mar 31, 2013 20:11:19 #
Hope this hasn't been posted here before. My 82 year old Father in Law sent this to me....What a hoot !!
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX
Yesterday I was at the Villages Publix buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO PUBLIX
Yesterday I was at the Villages Publix buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
Mar 31, 2013 22:48:46 #
I was unlucky enough to get a life ban from home depot. A guy walked up to me and said you look like you need decking and I thought I'd get the first punch in.
Apr 1, 2013 07:50:16 #
Tom G
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Absolutely Hilarious.
There's a sequel to this one too, about the guy who's wife fed him dog food. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, fell off and broke his neck. He was licking...
There's a sequel to this one too, about the guy who's wife fed him dog food. He was sitting on the edge of the couch, fell off and broke his neck. He was licking...
Apr 1, 2013 14:21:50 #
Apr 1, 2013 14:25:25 #
I'd never seen it before. There are other sections of this forum for photo related threads. This is posted in the "General Chit-Chat (non-photography talk) " forum, ergo it not being photography related & being perfectly appropriate...
Mortimer Levy wrote:
It's plagarized. I read it years ago. Why not concentrate on photography?
Apr 1, 2013 15:11:41 #
Yeah dammit, you heard Mort! You kids stop telling jokes in there and go to sleep or I'm coming in there with a belt. (burp)
:-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-)
Apr 1, 2013 19:53:10 #
Mortimer Levy wrote:
It's plagarized. I read it years ago. Why not concentrate on photography?
That is why this is the "non-photography" section.
Apr 2, 2013 07:22:49 #
I had read this before, but hadn't thought of it for quite a while and I laughed. It called to mind another grocery store check-out joke I heard some years ago.
A man was in the check-out line at the grocery store and the clerk was one of those obnoxious gum-snapping loud mouths. You know the kind, they snap their chewing gum every time the chomp down on it.
She looks down below the guys waist line and loudly announces, "Hey, buddy, your garage door is open", snap, snap, snap.
Of course, the man quickly zips up and to cover his embarrassment, he asks, "Well, tell me, did you see that big gold Cadillac in there?"
"Naw", she says (snap, snap, snap) "but I saw that little pink Volkswagen with two flat tires".
A man was in the check-out line at the grocery store and the clerk was one of those obnoxious gum-snapping loud mouths. You know the kind, they snap their chewing gum every time the chomp down on it.
She looks down below the guys waist line and loudly announces, "Hey, buddy, your garage door is open", snap, snap, snap.
Of course, the man quickly zips up and to cover his embarrassment, he asks, "Well, tell me, did you see that big gold Cadillac in there?"
"Naw", she says (snap, snap, snap) "but I saw that little pink Volkswagen with two flat tires".
Apr 2, 2013 10:24:28 #
Mortimer Levy wrote:
It's plagarized. I read it years ago. Why not concentrate on photography?
Why do you read the 'Non-photography Subjects' section?
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